I love you, you know that?
But, I just can't bring myself to say that...
What am I suppose to do?
With all those little problems which can be sometimes tormenting...
Am I in a turmoil?
I'm not sure
With all those problems...
I'm not sure I'm up for this again...
But, I sure miss it...
So, all I can say is, I like you...
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
Freshmen
I written this to get rid of my feelings that I wanted to get rid of. If you think this story is messy, I apologize. I was not in the mood to do so. I wrote this from how I feel. This is inspired by the song 'The Freshmen' by The Verve Pipe. Enjoy...
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Previously, I was a rebellious kid; I was raise by a single mum. In school, I bullied everyone and was dating one of those bad boys in school, Danny until college. A friend of mine, George, kept telling me not to date him for he is a punk and a boy who had a bad reputation in the school’s disciplinary board. But, I didn’t take his advice. My mum advice and tell me often not to go out with Danny. But, still, I didn’t listen to them. Until one day…
I was going out with Danny near a very run-down cinema place. We were watching a show which I couldn’t remember well. We were watching this show when Danny started to touch my right arm which was starting to make me feel a little uncomfortable then. I move my right arm away from him, but soon, he put his arm around me which made very much more uncomfortable. I shrugged his arm away, trying to get rid of this. And again, he tried to touch my arm again and again I tried to get him away. “Kristin? Baby, what’s wrong? Hmm?” he asked, this time, he tried to nuzzle my neck. I pushed him aside, “Danny? Can you stop doing that?” He didn’t stop, “Doing what?” This time I was really mad, I pushed him aside and hissed at him, “Danny! Stop doing that!” And then with that, I stood up and left the place, with him following me close behind, “Baby! What’s wrong?” he asked. He caught up with me and caught my hand. He pulled me close to him. I suddenly felt scared and afraid. “Danny! What are you doing?” I asked frantically. He didn’t say anything but he pushed me close to the back alley’s wall. It was dark, very dark and I was getting even more scared by the seconds. My heart was beating at a very deviant rate. I felt my head getting dizzy and I felt getting giddy at the same time, nauseated and woozy. I couldn’t breathe properly, like my airways are closing up. I noticed those lustful feeling in Danny’s eyes. My vision was blurred. He tried to get me out from my leather jacket. “Danny! What are you doing?! Don’t touch me! Daniel!” Before I collapsed, I saw someone pushed Danny off and punched him in the face, it was then I fell into the darkness of the world.
When I woke up, I found out I was at someone’s bedroom. I tried to sit up but a sharp stinging pain went through my chest. Straight, I fell back to the bed. My head began to spin. Again, I felt my airways blocking again. I was gasping for air again when I saw someone came in, the person thrust a small tube into my mouth and miraculously, I could breathe again. Once my eyes could focus on things again, I could recognize who was the person. “George? What are you doing here? Wh…where am I?” I stuttered. “Shh…Kristin. Kept quiet. You are still sick. You just had an asthma attack 2 days ago…and…” he said. “What?! I had an asthma attack?!” I said hysterically, suddenly, another stabbing pain again erupted. “Kristin, hush. You have not recovered. Here, let me help you up.” he said, he helped me sit up. Then, he went to his kitchen and took out a bowl. I peered into it and saw it was porridge. “Here, let me feed you a little.” He scooped a spoonful of it and fed me some of it. George took care of me for a week. He helped me regained my strength. One night, I had this nightmare. It was like the day I went out with Danny. It was like that all over again, but this time, I was very conscious. I kept screaming. In my nightmare, Danny was trying to strip me off from my clothes. In my nightmare, I kept thrashing around. Suddenly, I heard someone beside me, soothing me. “Hush, Kristin. What happened? Shh…calm down…” The next thing I knew, I was in a dark room, with a very dim light. And George was hugging me close in his embrace. “Kristin, breathe in deeply. There you go…breathe in deep. You’ll be okay…your safe…shh…” he said. I was crying hysterically. “Don’t….don’t let him…let him get near me…” I sobbed. He was in confusion, “Who? Kristin, who?” he asked frantically. “Danny…” I whispered so softly, that only he and I could hear.
Soon, my trauma against Danny vanished. George always accompanies me to my mum’s place for a visit. One day, George couldn’t accompany me. “Kristin, will you be okay?” he asked me anxiously. I looked at him and smiled, “George, I’ll be okay…don’t worry…” Since that day when George had helped me, I had changed. I am not like how I am; he had changed my bad ways and had made me feel better compared to how I was previously. I am grateful for his ways. “Bye, George. See you soon…” I waved at him and smiled back. He too did the same. I walked back happily back to my mother’s place. I wanted to surprise her with me coming back, so, I didn’t tell her I WAS coming back to see her. When I reached her doorstep, I felt very excited to see her again. I knocked on the door but she didn’t answer it, so, I decided to open the door. When I opened it, I didn’t see mum anywhere. So, I decided to try the living room to find her. I was very surprised to see mum and a man sitting down on the sofa, talking in the living room. “Mother?” I asked. She flipped her head towards me in surprised, “Kristin? What are you doing here?” she asked in surprise. “I…came back…to see you. Mother, who is this man?” I asked. Mum stood up with a very anxious face. The man stood up, too. “Kristin, this…is your father…” she said. She turned to the man whom she said is my father, “Ryan, this…is Kristin, your daughter. The child that you had asked me to abort…20 years ago…” He looked at me with his mouth wide opened. “My…daughter?” I stared at the man in disbelief. ‘How could this be? I thought my father was dead!’ I thought in my head. The man standing in front of me has dark chestnut brown hair and eyes, which were exactly like mine. This Ryan man tried to touch my face, but before he could, I flinched back. I shook my head unconsciously can’t help not believing it. I felt tears rolling down from my eyes. I started to run out from the house. “Kristin! Wait!”I heard from behind, mother shouting my name. I ran as fast as I could, and as far as I could. It started raining, so, I decided to shelter myself in an old, run-down bus stop. I hugged myself and cried while the rain poured. I couldn’t believe what had just happened. “Ryan, this…is Kristin, your daughter. The child that you had asked me to abort…20 years ago…” ‘What does that mean? I thought. Suddenly, I heard a very familiar voice, “Hey, Kristin baby…what are you up to?” My head flipped towards where the voice is. ‘Oh my God…no.’ I thought. It was Danny. Suddenly, my heart rate was going faster and faster with an anxious feeling in me. He walked nearer to me. I scoot further away from him. “Baby, don’t go…” Then suddenly, he lunged towards me. I screamed as loud as possible, “Ahhhhh!!!!” I struggled for him to let go. “Baby, don’t go.” he said again. “Danny, get your hands of me!” I said while I struggled from his grip. “Someone! Help!” I screamed, hoping someone would hear. He tried again like what he did a few years back at the cinema. I heard he tore the sleeve of my shirt. I suddenly felt my airways closing up again, after so many years. ‘Oh no, not again…I MUST NOT faint off’ I told myself. Suddenly, I saw someone pulled Danny off. When Danny was off me, I tried to breathe properly. It was only then I saw who had pulled Danny off me, it was George. George? I felt a little light headed but I was able to see what was going on. “George! Be careful!” I yelled, which caused a stabbing pain in my rib area. Suddenly, I felt a searing pain across my left side of my face. Involuntarily, my hand flew to my face. And the sight really had scared me, my face was bleeding. My breath left me when I saw it. I tried hard not to faint. Suddenly, I saw a wood plank in Danny’s hand. He used it to hit George. “NO!!!” I screamed. George fell unconsciously. When Danny saw what he had done, the colour of his face was totally drained. He ran as fast as he could, dropping the piece of wood along the way. The last thing I knew was calling George’s name out to the unconscious body and then I fainted again into the darkness. But this time when I went into unconsciousness, I felt like I have to run from something. I was hoping it was just a dream and I could get out from it. When I suddenly fell, I knew at that time I had to wake up. When I did wake up, I found myself in a room, a room that I had never been before. I tilted my head to one side and I saw mother there. I tried to lift my hand to touch her, but I couldn’t. So, I tried to call her, I whispered hoarsely and softly, “Mother?” In an instant, she woke up. And when she saw that I was awake already, she left out a sigh in relief. “Kristin? Oh God Kristin! You are okay??” she stood up and walked towards me to hug me. She told over and over again that she was sorry and that she should have told me about Ryan. “Then, tell him about me now…” I said softly, my throat was hurting like mad. She sucked in the air deeply and let out a very long, shaky breath out. I got a feeling her voice would crack when she spoke. But, she didn’t. “Well, let’s start from here then…” And from that she told me what had happened between Ryan and her. From what I know, is that Ryan and mum had been going out since their senior year in high school up to college. And for some odd perception and things and the mistakes they had done, somehow, they had me. And, actually they wanted to abort me off and come clean for they were still freshmen in college. My mum agreed to it, but, in the end, she didn’t have the heart to do so. And with that, she kept quiet about the pregnancy until the fourth month of it. She went into depression and was thinking of many various ways to kill herself. One day, she decided to take a week of Valium and just take on her life. But luckily, Bryan got back in time to stop her. Well, she felt very bad about it and all. When I heard the last of it, my heart literally sank. ‘I was borne to this world out of wedlock? Gosh…’ But I didn’t want to ask anymore for I could see tears forming in my mother’s eyes. I hugged her close. After that, the nurse came in and injected morphine again into my system for the pain. And again, the whole rollercoaster ride of the nightmare started all over again. The next time I woke up, my mum isn’t there, so I decided to ask the nurse about George. “Oh? Your friend who came in with you? He alright already, just a bit of a bad bruise on the shoulder there…you want me to call him, dear?” She asked. I gave a smile in agreement. Soon a few seconds later, I heard a knock. And a sharp creak from the door, “Kristin? Are you okay?”I smiled widely at him, and patted the side of the hospital bed, “I’m fine. Here, sit.” We talked for a long time. With him here, I don’t feel dick anymore. “Hey, George…when the incident happened, why were you there at the same place at that exact moment?” I asked. When I said that, he looked away, wanting to avoid me eyes which was very odd. “I…er…I was…following you?” he said, still not wanting to look at my way. “Why?” He let out a sigh. “Because…I was afraid you are going to be in trouble.” I looked at him in a state of confusion, “Why did you do so?” Only then he dared to look into my eyes. Suddenly, those eyes made my heart jolt. “Because…because, I couldn’t stand to see you get hurt again.” That statement made my eyes grew wider in shock. ‘What?!’ I thought. “I mean…I…I like you…” There was a sudden silence, which was very, very uncomfortable. Only then I noticed he was VERY near to me, a bit too close I guess. Without knowingly, he moved forward even closer to me. I felt my breath had caught me. Those dark brown eyes just made me melt on the spot. The next thing I knew was him going EVEN CLOSER TO ME, just a few millimeters in front of my face. My heart was beating at a rate I never thought it would. Then with that, he looked at me one last time, he came into that few millimeters and he kissed me, with his eyes close. At that point of time, my breath was gone. I closed my eyes and just try to absorb everything in. Involuntarily, I put my arm around his neck. At that point of time, my mind went blank but what I knew was, I really like this boy. While he kissed me, he moved closer to me. And…heck, I don’t want to say anything anymore. But what I could say is that, both of us enjoy it. I stayed at the hospital a little longer than him, but he came and visited me every day after he had discharge from the hospital. One day after I woke up from my sleep in the hospital, I found a letter, addressed to me. I took it and tore open it to see what was inside. It was from Ryan. I didn’t want to read it but was so tempted to do so. In the end, I read it too.
“Dear Kristin,
This is Ryan. I think I should explain about everything. When I met your mother, I was practically in love with her. And I can see that she is too with me. But, we were just merely freshmen when we did the mistake. I know God will punish us for our sins. But, I thank my lucky stars that your mother didn’t abort you. And also, I was glad that I got back in time to stop your mother from taking that whole bottle of Valium. But, since then, I didn’t see your mother anymore. For nights, I couldn’t sleep well and always kept sobbing on the floor late at night. I was really worried for her. Just recently, I found her. We were just talking about how things are going on the last few years when you walk into the living room that day. I just want you to know that’s it’s not your mother’s fault you are born into this world without a proper family or whatsoever. But, all I want to say is, I love you…
P.S.
You know the boy who had save you? George I presume. He’s a great guy. And I can see from his face that he likes you very much, and I hope you do, too. Don’t let him slip out of your hand. Take care and good luck.”
When I saw the letter, I was practically in shock. I couldn’t believe that all that had happened before. But, one thing for sure is that, I’m not mad at either of them. ‘George really likes me…’ I thought. After a week later, the doctors said I could go home already. I was waiting for my mum and Ryan to come and pick me up to go home when someone knocked on the door. “Come in. Who is it?” The door creaked opened and George came in with a bouquet of nice, fresh flowers. “Hey, you ready to go” he grinned. I smiled at the sight of him, “Yeah…let’s go!” He took my bags and dumped it into his car. “Where are we going?” “You’ll see…” he said and drove me off to somewhere. It was already dark when we stop at somewhere. We were at a cliff. From the cliff, you could see the most breathtaking scenery I had ever seen in my whole life. The town was so bright like little lamps. It was so beautiful. “Oh my God! George! It’s so beautiful…” He bent down and playfully whispered into my ear, “And so are you…” That statement caught me off guard, “Wha..what?” I stammered. I turned to look at him. He bent down and kissed me. The feeling was magical and breathtaking somehow.
That happened a few years back. In my room now, there is a photo of me and George during our wedding and also a photo of Tommy, our son. When I look at it, I think back of all the things in the past. “Mummy? Where’s daddy?” I turned and look at him adoringly. I picked him up and set him on my lap. “He’ll be home soon. I promise. And after that, we are going out for ice cream, okay?” I smiled.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Previously, I was a rebellious kid; I was raise by a single mum. In school, I bullied everyone and was dating one of those bad boys in school, Danny until college. A friend of mine, George, kept telling me not to date him for he is a punk and a boy who had a bad reputation in the school’s disciplinary board. But, I didn’t take his advice. My mum advice and tell me often not to go out with Danny. But, still, I didn’t listen to them. Until one day…
I was going out with Danny near a very run-down cinema place. We were watching a show which I couldn’t remember well. We were watching this show when Danny started to touch my right arm which was starting to make me feel a little uncomfortable then. I move my right arm away from him, but soon, he put his arm around me which made very much more uncomfortable. I shrugged his arm away, trying to get rid of this. And again, he tried to touch my arm again and again I tried to get him away. “Kristin? Baby, what’s wrong? Hmm?” he asked, this time, he tried to nuzzle my neck. I pushed him aside, “Danny? Can you stop doing that?” He didn’t stop, “Doing what?” This time I was really mad, I pushed him aside and hissed at him, “Danny! Stop doing that!” And then with that, I stood up and left the place, with him following me close behind, “Baby! What’s wrong?” he asked. He caught up with me and caught my hand. He pulled me close to him. I suddenly felt scared and afraid. “Danny! What are you doing?” I asked frantically. He didn’t say anything but he pushed me close to the back alley’s wall. It was dark, very dark and I was getting even more scared by the seconds. My heart was beating at a very deviant rate. I felt my head getting dizzy and I felt getting giddy at the same time, nauseated and woozy. I couldn’t breathe properly, like my airways are closing up. I noticed those lustful feeling in Danny’s eyes. My vision was blurred. He tried to get me out from my leather jacket. “Danny! What are you doing?! Don’t touch me! Daniel!” Before I collapsed, I saw someone pushed Danny off and punched him in the face, it was then I fell into the darkness of the world.
When I woke up, I found out I was at someone’s bedroom. I tried to sit up but a sharp stinging pain went through my chest. Straight, I fell back to the bed. My head began to spin. Again, I felt my airways blocking again. I was gasping for air again when I saw someone came in, the person thrust a small tube into my mouth and miraculously, I could breathe again. Once my eyes could focus on things again, I could recognize who was the person. “George? What are you doing here? Wh…where am I?” I stuttered. “Shh…Kristin. Kept quiet. You are still sick. You just had an asthma attack 2 days ago…and…” he said. “What?! I had an asthma attack?!” I said hysterically, suddenly, another stabbing pain again erupted. “Kristin, hush. You have not recovered. Here, let me help you up.” he said, he helped me sit up. Then, he went to his kitchen and took out a bowl. I peered into it and saw it was porridge. “Here, let me feed you a little.” He scooped a spoonful of it and fed me some of it. George took care of me for a week. He helped me regained my strength. One night, I had this nightmare. It was like the day I went out with Danny. It was like that all over again, but this time, I was very conscious. I kept screaming. In my nightmare, Danny was trying to strip me off from my clothes. In my nightmare, I kept thrashing around. Suddenly, I heard someone beside me, soothing me. “Hush, Kristin. What happened? Shh…calm down…” The next thing I knew, I was in a dark room, with a very dim light. And George was hugging me close in his embrace. “Kristin, breathe in deeply. There you go…breathe in deep. You’ll be okay…your safe…shh…” he said. I was crying hysterically. “Don’t….don’t let him…let him get near me…” I sobbed. He was in confusion, “Who? Kristin, who?” he asked frantically. “Danny…” I whispered so softly, that only he and I could hear.
Soon, my trauma against Danny vanished. George always accompanies me to my mum’s place for a visit. One day, George couldn’t accompany me. “Kristin, will you be okay?” he asked me anxiously. I looked at him and smiled, “George, I’ll be okay…don’t worry…” Since that day when George had helped me, I had changed. I am not like how I am; he had changed my bad ways and had made me feel better compared to how I was previously. I am grateful for his ways. “Bye, George. See you soon…” I waved at him and smiled back. He too did the same. I walked back happily back to my mother’s place. I wanted to surprise her with me coming back, so, I didn’t tell her I WAS coming back to see her. When I reached her doorstep, I felt very excited to see her again. I knocked on the door but she didn’t answer it, so, I decided to open the door. When I opened it, I didn’t see mum anywhere. So, I decided to try the living room to find her. I was very surprised to see mum and a man sitting down on the sofa, talking in the living room. “Mother?” I asked. She flipped her head towards me in surprised, “Kristin? What are you doing here?” she asked in surprise. “I…came back…to see you. Mother, who is this man?” I asked. Mum stood up with a very anxious face. The man stood up, too. “Kristin, this…is your father…” she said. She turned to the man whom she said is my father, “Ryan, this…is Kristin, your daughter. The child that you had asked me to abort…20 years ago…” He looked at me with his mouth wide opened. “My…daughter?” I stared at the man in disbelief. ‘How could this be? I thought my father was dead!’ I thought in my head. The man standing in front of me has dark chestnut brown hair and eyes, which were exactly like mine. This Ryan man tried to touch my face, but before he could, I flinched back. I shook my head unconsciously can’t help not believing it. I felt tears rolling down from my eyes. I started to run out from the house. “Kristin! Wait!”I heard from behind, mother shouting my name. I ran as fast as I could, and as far as I could. It started raining, so, I decided to shelter myself in an old, run-down bus stop. I hugged myself and cried while the rain poured. I couldn’t believe what had just happened. “Ryan, this…is Kristin, your daughter. The child that you had asked me to abort…20 years ago…” ‘What does that mean? I thought. Suddenly, I heard a very familiar voice, “Hey, Kristin baby…what are you up to?” My head flipped towards where the voice is. ‘Oh my God…no.’ I thought. It was Danny. Suddenly, my heart rate was going faster and faster with an anxious feeling in me. He walked nearer to me. I scoot further away from him. “Baby, don’t go…” Then suddenly, he lunged towards me. I screamed as loud as possible, “Ahhhhh!!!!” I struggled for him to let go. “Baby, don’t go.” he said again. “Danny, get your hands of me!” I said while I struggled from his grip. “Someone! Help!” I screamed, hoping someone would hear. He tried again like what he did a few years back at the cinema. I heard he tore the sleeve of my shirt. I suddenly felt my airways closing up again, after so many years. ‘Oh no, not again…I MUST NOT faint off’ I told myself. Suddenly, I saw someone pulled Danny off. When Danny was off me, I tried to breathe properly. It was only then I saw who had pulled Danny off me, it was George. George? I felt a little light headed but I was able to see what was going on. “George! Be careful!” I yelled, which caused a stabbing pain in my rib area. Suddenly, I felt a searing pain across my left side of my face. Involuntarily, my hand flew to my face. And the sight really had scared me, my face was bleeding. My breath left me when I saw it. I tried hard not to faint. Suddenly, I saw a wood plank in Danny’s hand. He used it to hit George. “NO!!!” I screamed. George fell unconsciously. When Danny saw what he had done, the colour of his face was totally drained. He ran as fast as he could, dropping the piece of wood along the way. The last thing I knew was calling George’s name out to the unconscious body and then I fainted again into the darkness. But this time when I went into unconsciousness, I felt like I have to run from something. I was hoping it was just a dream and I could get out from it. When I suddenly fell, I knew at that time I had to wake up. When I did wake up, I found myself in a room, a room that I had never been before. I tilted my head to one side and I saw mother there. I tried to lift my hand to touch her, but I couldn’t. So, I tried to call her, I whispered hoarsely and softly, “Mother?” In an instant, she woke up. And when she saw that I was awake already, she left out a sigh in relief. “Kristin? Oh God Kristin! You are okay??” she stood up and walked towards me to hug me. She told over and over again that she was sorry and that she should have told me about Ryan. “Then, tell him about me now…” I said softly, my throat was hurting like mad. She sucked in the air deeply and let out a very long, shaky breath out. I got a feeling her voice would crack when she spoke. But, she didn’t. “Well, let’s start from here then…” And from that she told me what had happened between Ryan and her. From what I know, is that Ryan and mum had been going out since their senior year in high school up to college. And for some odd perception and things and the mistakes they had done, somehow, they had me. And, actually they wanted to abort me off and come clean for they were still freshmen in college. My mum agreed to it, but, in the end, she didn’t have the heart to do so. And with that, she kept quiet about the pregnancy until the fourth month of it. She went into depression and was thinking of many various ways to kill herself. One day, she decided to take a week of Valium and just take on her life. But luckily, Bryan got back in time to stop her. Well, she felt very bad about it and all. When I heard the last of it, my heart literally sank. ‘I was borne to this world out of wedlock? Gosh…’ But I didn’t want to ask anymore for I could see tears forming in my mother’s eyes. I hugged her close. After that, the nurse came in and injected morphine again into my system for the pain. And again, the whole rollercoaster ride of the nightmare started all over again. The next time I woke up, my mum isn’t there, so I decided to ask the nurse about George. “Oh? Your friend who came in with you? He alright already, just a bit of a bad bruise on the shoulder there…you want me to call him, dear?” She asked. I gave a smile in agreement. Soon a few seconds later, I heard a knock. And a sharp creak from the door, “Kristin? Are you okay?”I smiled widely at him, and patted the side of the hospital bed, “I’m fine. Here, sit.” We talked for a long time. With him here, I don’t feel dick anymore. “Hey, George…when the incident happened, why were you there at the same place at that exact moment?” I asked. When I said that, he looked away, wanting to avoid me eyes which was very odd. “I…er…I was…following you?” he said, still not wanting to look at my way. “Why?” He let out a sigh. “Because…I was afraid you are going to be in trouble.” I looked at him in a state of confusion, “Why did you do so?” Only then he dared to look into my eyes. Suddenly, those eyes made my heart jolt. “Because…because, I couldn’t stand to see you get hurt again.” That statement made my eyes grew wider in shock. ‘What?!’ I thought. “I mean…I…I like you…” There was a sudden silence, which was very, very uncomfortable. Only then I noticed he was VERY near to me, a bit too close I guess. Without knowingly, he moved forward even closer to me. I felt my breath had caught me. Those dark brown eyes just made me melt on the spot. The next thing I knew was him going EVEN CLOSER TO ME, just a few millimeters in front of my face. My heart was beating at a rate I never thought it would. Then with that, he looked at me one last time, he came into that few millimeters and he kissed me, with his eyes close. At that point of time, my breath was gone. I closed my eyes and just try to absorb everything in. Involuntarily, I put my arm around his neck. At that point of time, my mind went blank but what I knew was, I really like this boy. While he kissed me, he moved closer to me. And…heck, I don’t want to say anything anymore. But what I could say is that, both of us enjoy it. I stayed at the hospital a little longer than him, but he came and visited me every day after he had discharge from the hospital. One day after I woke up from my sleep in the hospital, I found a letter, addressed to me. I took it and tore open it to see what was inside. It was from Ryan. I didn’t want to read it but was so tempted to do so. In the end, I read it too.
“Dear Kristin,
This is Ryan. I think I should explain about everything. When I met your mother, I was practically in love with her. And I can see that she is too with me. But, we were just merely freshmen when we did the mistake. I know God will punish us for our sins. But, I thank my lucky stars that your mother didn’t abort you. And also, I was glad that I got back in time to stop your mother from taking that whole bottle of Valium. But, since then, I didn’t see your mother anymore. For nights, I couldn’t sleep well and always kept sobbing on the floor late at night. I was really worried for her. Just recently, I found her. We were just talking about how things are going on the last few years when you walk into the living room that day. I just want you to know that’s it’s not your mother’s fault you are born into this world without a proper family or whatsoever. But, all I want to say is, I love you…
P.S.
You know the boy who had save you? George I presume. He’s a great guy. And I can see from his face that he likes you very much, and I hope you do, too. Don’t let him slip out of your hand. Take care and good luck.”
When I saw the letter, I was practically in shock. I couldn’t believe that all that had happened before. But, one thing for sure is that, I’m not mad at either of them. ‘George really likes me…’ I thought. After a week later, the doctors said I could go home already. I was waiting for my mum and Ryan to come and pick me up to go home when someone knocked on the door. “Come in. Who is it?” The door creaked opened and George came in with a bouquet of nice, fresh flowers. “Hey, you ready to go” he grinned. I smiled at the sight of him, “Yeah…let’s go!” He took my bags and dumped it into his car. “Where are we going?” “You’ll see…” he said and drove me off to somewhere. It was already dark when we stop at somewhere. We were at a cliff. From the cliff, you could see the most breathtaking scenery I had ever seen in my whole life. The town was so bright like little lamps. It was so beautiful. “Oh my God! George! It’s so beautiful…” He bent down and playfully whispered into my ear, “And so are you…” That statement caught me off guard, “Wha..what?” I stammered. I turned to look at him. He bent down and kissed me. The feeling was magical and breathtaking somehow.
That happened a few years back. In my room now, there is a photo of me and George during our wedding and also a photo of Tommy, our son. When I look at it, I think back of all the things in the past. “Mummy? Where’s daddy?” I turned and look at him adoringly. I picked him up and set him on my lap. “He’ll be home soon. I promise. And after that, we are going out for ice cream, okay?” I smiled.
Monday, November 15, 2010
The Freshmen by The Verve Pipe
When I was young I knew everything
And she a punk who rarely ever took advice
Now I'm guilt stricken, sobbin' with my head on the floor
Stop a Baby's Breath and a shoe full of rice, no...
I can't be held responsible
'Cause she was touching her face
I won't be held responsible
She fell in love in the first place
For the life of me I cannot remember
What made us think that we were wise and we'd never compromise
For the life of me I cannot believe we'd ever die for these sins
We were merely freshmen
My best friend took a week's vacation to forget her
His girl took a week's worth of valium and slept
And now he's guilt stricken sobbin' with his head on the floor
Thinks about her now and how he never really wept he says
I can't be held responsible
'Cause she was touching her face
I won't be held responsible
She fell in love in the first place
For the life of me I cannot remember
What made us think that we were wise and we'd never compromise
For the life of me I cannot believe we'd ever die for these sins
We were merely freshmen
We've tried to wash our hands of all of this
We never talk of our lack in relationships
And how we're guilt stricken sobbin' with our heads on the floor
We fell through the ice when we tried not to slip, we'd say
I can't be held responsible
'Cause she was touching her face
And I won't be held responsible
She fell in love in the first place
For the life of me I cannot remember
What made us think that we were wise and we'd never compromise
For the life of me I cannot believe we'd ever die for these sins
We were merely freshmen
For the life of me I cannot remember
What made us think that we were wise and we'd never compromise
For the life of me I cannot believe we'd ever die for these sins
We were merely freshmen
We were merely freshmen
We were only freshmen
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I seriously love this song... =)
And she a punk who rarely ever took advice
Now I'm guilt stricken, sobbin' with my head on the floor
Stop a Baby's Breath and a shoe full of rice, no...
I can't be held responsible
'Cause she was touching her face
I won't be held responsible
She fell in love in the first place
For the life of me I cannot remember
What made us think that we were wise and we'd never compromise
For the life of me I cannot believe we'd ever die for these sins
We were merely freshmen
My best friend took a week's vacation to forget her
His girl took a week's worth of valium and slept
And now he's guilt stricken sobbin' with his head on the floor
Thinks about her now and how he never really wept he says
I can't be held responsible
'Cause she was touching her face
I won't be held responsible
She fell in love in the first place
For the life of me I cannot remember
What made us think that we were wise and we'd never compromise
For the life of me I cannot believe we'd ever die for these sins
We were merely freshmen
We've tried to wash our hands of all of this
We never talk of our lack in relationships
And how we're guilt stricken sobbin' with our heads on the floor
We fell through the ice when we tried not to slip, we'd say
I can't be held responsible
'Cause she was touching her face
And I won't be held responsible
She fell in love in the first place
For the life of me I cannot remember
What made us think that we were wise and we'd never compromise
For the life of me I cannot believe we'd ever die for these sins
We were merely freshmen
For the life of me I cannot remember
What made us think that we were wise and we'd never compromise
For the life of me I cannot believe we'd ever die for these sins
We were merely freshmen
We were merely freshmen
We were only freshmen
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I seriously love this song... =)
Friday, November 5, 2010
This calms me...
“To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under heaven. A time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to pluck up that which is planted. A time to weep and a time to laugh. A time to mourn and a time to dance. A time to cast away stones and a time to gather stones together. A time to embrace, a time to refrain from embracing. A time to keep silence. A time to speak. A time…to love…”
Remember this? Remember...?
In a time like this, I need this to remind myself that God and also you love me oh so dearly... =)
Remember this? Remember...?
In a time like this, I need this to remind myself that God and also you love me oh so dearly... =)
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