Friday, December 31, 2010
Happy NY
I would always remember the New Year's eve 2009 & the first few minutes of New Year 2010 and how I had spent it. I would always cherish the memory even though it's long gone. Somehow, it always comforts my throbbing mind from unnecessary stress...anyhow, Happy 2011 New Year everyone, God Bless...
Thursday, December 30, 2010
Life can be vicious?
Sometimes, I would always imagine what the future be like for me, will it be good? Or will it be horrible? Since I was a young child, I'm a person who will be deep in thought, especially when I'm alone. In my younger days, I would always think that my life in the future would be okay and calm, sugar and spice and everything nice. Now as I get older, my perception towards life wavers. There was a point in my life where I thought I could get whatever I want, whenever I want. I thought life revolves around me, not the other way around, or so you say. There was also a point in my life where I would always have negative thoughts in my mind. Everything I see through my eyes will either be a failure, or will backstab me in anyway possible. Even though I know I have people close to me, care about me, but sometimes, I just need to take on life by myself, with no one's help except the Lord's grace. I may seem different from any situation that you may see in me, for example, I may be an extrovert on the outside whenever I'm with anybody. But the truth is, I'm not. I am a person who is actually shy and nervous about life, I am not comfortable leaving my comfort zone, but I try. You may ask me whether or not am I alright, surely, I would nod and say 'Yes...', but there's always a possiblity that I'm not. I may look normal on the outside whenever I have friends around, but deep down, I may have a minor depression but you can't seem to see it. You may ask why am I like that, but, I have no answer to that question. Maybe, I just don't want any symphathy or pity from anybody, or maybe, I just want to lead life as normal as possible. Loads of people say that I have a very good skill in this, or I have a talent in this or any other crap that is suitable in this situation. To tell you the truth, I don't have any particular skill that I would be proud of, even if you think this is a skill. Or anyhow, even if I did, I doubt I feel proud of it.
As the Lord had plan my life for me since before birth, I know I have something to contribute to the society, but, what exactly? Sometimes in hectic moments of my life, I would sometimes even pray for the Lord to take over my life in his power and will. But I know he would never do such thing until the time is right. He had given me the gift/skill/talent/power, whatever you call it, to write to show how I could express my thoughts with the help of a pencil and a paper. In this few years of life, God had given me strenght to continue whatever I had left off or to start something fresh and new altogether. Somewhere along the way, I know there would be problems and nerve-wrecking moments and that's just the obstacles in life. After reading until here, I can assure you that you will ask, "How bad can life be?" My answer would be simple, "Oh, life can be as vicious as you want it to be...it can be so bad till you even feel like you want to die, for goodness sake...bugger." Maybe, the tumoil inside you or everything around you are giving you a nasty headache to begin with, but deep down, you know someone somewhere is cheering you on along the way. I can say this now, it is true. There is someone out there helping you along the way, spiritually, mentally. I know so. Whatever I am lacking now is the self-control over my feelings had left me a few moments ago. I used to be able to control whatever I am feeling previously, but after an incident, somehow, I had just lost that. Whatever it is, I need to find it back, pronto. That is the only thing that could comfort me, after so many sad occasions that had happened in my life the past few years. Once I could numb the feelings that would drive me up the wall, I will turn out okay. Only then, I would say that life is still okay for me. The day I scream to everyone, "I LOVE MY LIFE!", is the day I met someone along the way to help me with all the vicious things life throw at me. And-Wait for it- with God's grace, Amen...
As the Lord had plan my life for me since before birth, I know I have something to contribute to the society, but, what exactly? Sometimes in hectic moments of my life, I would sometimes even pray for the Lord to take over my life in his power and will. But I know he would never do such thing until the time is right. He had given me the gift/skill/talent/power, whatever you call it, to write to show how I could express my thoughts with the help of a pencil and a paper. In this few years of life, God had given me strenght to continue whatever I had left off or to start something fresh and new altogether. Somewhere along the way, I know there would be problems and nerve-wrecking moments and that's just the obstacles in life. After reading until here, I can assure you that you will ask, "How bad can life be?" My answer would be simple, "Oh, life can be as vicious as you want it to be...it can be so bad till you even feel like you want to die, for goodness sake...bugger." Maybe, the tumoil inside you or everything around you are giving you a nasty headache to begin with, but deep down, you know someone somewhere is cheering you on along the way. I can say this now, it is true. There is someone out there helping you along the way, spiritually, mentally. I know so. Whatever I am lacking now is the self-control over my feelings had left me a few moments ago. I used to be able to control whatever I am feeling previously, but after an incident, somehow, I had just lost that. Whatever it is, I need to find it back, pronto. That is the only thing that could comfort me, after so many sad occasions that had happened in my life the past few years. Once I could numb the feelings that would drive me up the wall, I will turn out okay. Only then, I would say that life is still okay for me. The day I scream to everyone, "I LOVE MY LIFE!", is the day I met someone along the way to help me with all the vicious things life throw at me. And-Wait for it- with God's grace, Amen...
The Girl
I once saw this girl when I was young, around the age of 5. I think she was around my age too. I saw her dancing in a music studio in a faded pink leotard and ballet pink soft shoes. She was swirling around in circles with a scarf in her hand. I was very stunned at her when she dance and I was standing there with a giant candy in my hand which I had just bought at that time. I watched her dance the whole thing through. There was one part in her dance that had captured my heart up till now. It was the part she bent her body down with her dark brown hair falling over her shoulders and suddenly sprang up gracefully into a graceful split with the ribbon in her hand. That part of the choreography just made me look in awe. I watch her dance until she was done. She came out of the dance studio with her mother. Suddenly, I ran towards them. Her mother was surprised by my presence. I looked at her mother and then, turn my gaze to her. Without thinking, I took the giant candy in my hand and gave it to the girl. “You dance very good…” And with that, I ran down the pavement. I thought, that would be the last time I shall see her, but, I was wrong.
*13 years later*
I was in a music studio and was practicing the piano like mad. I applied to a music conservatoire in London to pursue my degree in piano. I was in a studio downtown playing the first movement of the Moonlight Sonata by Beethoven. I was going through the details of the song when I heard music coming from the next studio. I turned to find where that music was coming from. Through the semi-transparent tinted window, I saw a girl in her ballet outfit dancing to the music playing. She looked very gracefully dancing around her dance studio. I stopped practicing my piece and stare at the girl dancing. Somehow, she looked darn very familiar but I can’t seem to place her face in my mind. Suddenly, the girl just bends over, her brown hair slipped over her shoulders and she pirouette on her Pointe shoes. I winced at the sight when she turned on her toes. Somehow, I always think that it would hurt, but, maybe I was wrong, God knows. But after that, I kept staring at her dancing. Suddenly, it struck me. I knew where I had seen her before. I saw her dance before in this very same studio. It was the girl whom I had given the candy to. Involuntarily, I got up and went to the studio where she was dancing. I gave a knock onto the door, but she didn’t seem to hear the knock. So, I decided to slip into the studio without her knowing. When she done this huge leap which I think it calls ‘Grande Jete’, she noticed my presence in the room and she missed her landing and fell.
“Ouch!!!” She was clutching her ankle. ‘Oh no…’ I ran to her side. “Are you okay?” I asked. I tried helping her up. “Who are you? What are you doing here?” she asked. She winced as I helped her up onto her feet, she couldn’t stand. I got a bad feeling she may sprained her ankle. “Let me help you first, okay? I think you have injured your ankle.” I supported her weight as she limped out to the nearest bench. I left her there and went to inquire for a first-aid kit. After I have one, I went back to the girl. She had already taken off her Pointe ballet shoes. Her right ankle was red already. “You okay?” I asked as I took out some muscle cream and some ankle support. “I think so…” As I put some cream onto her ankle, she asked, “Do I know you?” I shook my head, “I guess not…but, you do look awfully familiar…” As I helped her put on the ankle support, she stared at me curiously for a long time, “Wait, you do look familiar…” she said in the end. There was a moment of silence before, “Hey, were you the boy who gave me the huge candy when I finished my ballet lesson in this studio? The one who said I dance well? 13 years ago?” She asked, smiling. I smiled back, somehow, when she smiles, it made my heart leap. “Yeah…you remembered? All these years?” I was flabbergasted. I couldn’t believe she even remembered that. She let out a small chuckle, “Of course! When you told me that, you made my day…I actually wanted to stop learning ballet all together at that time, but, you gave me hope to continue…” She smiled widely at me. “Thank you…” She hugged me tightly. When we pull ourselves away from each other from the embrace, I wanted so much to ask her out for dinner or something. Somehow since 13 years ago, she had made a VERY good impression on me till I would even remember her then. She wanted to stand up, so, I helped her. “Thank you for bandaging my ankle…” she smiled. “It’s no big deal…hey, can I get you name?” I asked. She smiled, “Its Jennifer…but, you can call me Jennie…what’s yours?” “I’m Davis…hey, wanna go out for dinner?” I asked, fingers crossed, hoping that she would agree. She just smiled and shook her head. “Sorry, I can’t. My ankle still hurts. What about next time?” When she said that, my heart literally sank but its true, her ankle is not that well still. “It’s okay, next time then. Do you want me to help you get your things back to your car?” So, I helped her carry her stuff and helped her to her car. “Take care, okay?” We exchanged our ID numbers and with that, we both left. Back home, I started texting her and vice versa. Soon, we also exchanged our email addresses and we started chatting in a chat forum and through emails.
From: Jennifer
To: Davis
Subject: Hello! =)
Hello! How are you? I’m fine, my ankle is okay already. But, I’m still advised not to go for ballet until next week. That’s the reason why you didn’t see me at the studio that day. I still remember the last question you had asked me before. The one that you had asked me whether or not do I want to go for dinner? Why not we go after our practice next week? Okay with you?
From: Davis
To: Jennifer
Subject: Re: Hello! =)
Hey! I’m fine! So, I take it as a date? Of course I can go! See you next week! Can’t wait. =)
I was frantically arranging my music sheets and all the other loose papers and I was running VERY late. When I got into the studio, I noticed that Jennie was not there yet. ‘Maybe she was also running late…’ I decided to start practicing my songs first while I wait for her. I was practicing another song for the audition, a Mozart piece. I had done 2 pieces; I still need one more. I was practicing both pieces. When I finished, I heard someone clapping behind me. I turned and was surprised to see Jennie there. “That was good…” she smiled. When both of our practice was over, we decided to get some Italian food for dinner. After placing our orders, we chatted. “What are you practicing for?” Jennie asked. I took a sip of the water before I spoke, “I applied for a music conservatoire in London and they say it’s the best and only one in London. So, I’m practicing for the entrance audition…what about you? What are you practicing for?” I asked. “Well, I am doing the same like you. I’m also practicing for an entrance audition in a music college down in London. I think…it’s the same college you are going…” she said. I was clearly shocked. “Really? Wow! We could be in the same campus…cool…” I smiled. From the chat, I found out she was pursuing Ballet in college. And not only that, she was having trouble finding a pianist to help her play the accompaniment for her to dance to. I suddenly wanted to help her, so, I volunteered myself, “Why not…I play for you?” I asked. She took my hand into hers, it her fingers on my hand gave a sudden jolt to my spine somehow. “Really? You can do that for me? Won’t it be very tasking for you? With all the extra practice you need to cope for your audition and mine?” she asked, with a very anxious face. “I’m okay…I could even do your dance piece as my last and final one for the audition.” She was ecstatic; she came over to me and gave me a hug. Somehow, I just want to make her happy in any way, but…why?
Soon, we started practicing together. Her song was ‘The Nutcracker’. A very interesting and a nice piece. As the time playing for her passed, I started to develop feelings for her. But, I don’t think it started there, I think, it started since 13 years ago, when we first met. But, I kept it a secret. Every night, I would think of her every second. Soon, the date of the audition started rolling in. We found out that both of our audition dates fell on the same day, so it good in a way? It was a week before the audition when we were chatting through I.M.
Jennifer: I feel SO nervous!!! HELP!!!
Davis: Chill! You’ll do great! You ARE good, ever since you were 5!
Jennifer: HEY?? I’M GETTING AN EMOTIONAL BREAKDOWN HERE!!!
Davis: OKAY, OKAY! Let’s change the subject then…Your pick…
Jennifer: Okay, hmm…I wanted to ask you this, but, I’m not sure whether it is okay for me to ask…
Davis: Shoot!
Jennifer: Well, do you believe in love?
Jennifer: Hello??
Jennifer: Are you still there??
Davis: Sorry there! Helping my mum in something…whether do I believe in love? Yeah. Of course.
Jennifer: Well, what do you feel when you had fallen in love?
That question really caught me off guard. ‘Should I tell her now that I DO like her? Or should I just play along?’ I decided to just play along, to see what it was really about.
Davis: Well, I feel my heart pound like REALLY hard whenever I’m near that person I like/love or when I just think about the person. Or when someone brings the person up in a conversation. Sometimes, I feel giddy but I would try to stay just as strong as I could. And I would keep on thinking of the person every single second. Something like that…why do you ask?
Jennifer: I don’t know, but, I think I had fallen for someone…
Looking at that, my heart literally sank. ‘She likes someone else…’ At that moment, I wanted to tell her straight off but in another, twisting way.
Davis: Jennie? I wanna tell you something…
Jennifer: Yeah?
Davis: I wanna tell you a joke…okay with that?
Jennifer: Yeah, it’s cool…what is it about?
Davis: Knock-knock…
Jennifer: Oh? A knock-knock joke? Okay. Who’s there?
Davis: I…
Jennifer: I? I who?
Davis: I…love you…
Jennifer: I What?!
Jennifer: Oh…
Jennifer: Davis? Are you still there?
*Davis is offline*
Since that I.M. conversation, I didn’t hear about her for the next week. Every time, I wonder how would she responded after she had found out that I had feelings for her. I didn’t know what to expect from her? I’m not sure whether does she understood what I said. Even if she did, will she avoid me? On the day of the audition, I put on the best formal wear I have. I went to the auditorium downtown where the audition was held. When I was there, I found Jennie. She was in her ballet outfit and in a pair of flip flops. She was holding onto her Pointe shoes. “Hey…” I said. “Hi…” she replied. That was very awkward. “Those who are auditioning for the piano category, please kindly proceeds to the auditorium. Thank you.” I was walking towards the auditorium when I felt someone’s hand on my shoulder, it was Jennie. “Can I…come in and watch you play?” she asked. I smiled and nodded to her. She and I walked towards the auditorium. Before I left her at the seat, she leaned in and kissed me on the cheek. I was a little taken back but, I smiled back at her. I walked towards the front few rows where the other people who were going for the audition waiting. After 5-7 people had gone through the audition, it was my turn. I was trying not to panic. When I steadied my fingers on the piano keys, I took a deep breath and my mind wandered back when Jennie kissed me. That gave me confidence all over again and my fingers just ‘touch’ on the keys gracefully. When I finished, I was happy. I was done. I walked up the stairs towards the exit. When I opened the doors, I saw Jennie smiling widely at me. “You were great!” she squealed. She hugged me tightly, I whispered into her ear, “It’s your turn now…” She breathe in deep and tried to calm down. Suddenly, an announcement was made, “Those who are auditioning for the contemporary dance and singing category, please kindly go the auditorium now. Thank you.” And with that, Jennie started to be in a nervous breakdown. She started breathing at irregular rhythms. “Jennie, are you okay? Relax, you can do it…” I hugged her, trying to calm her down. “I can’t do it…I’m afraid I would screw the Grande Jete and my pirouettes…I don’t know…I…I…” She was seriously having a major nervous breakdown. Without thinking, I kissed her, full frontal. Automatically, she calmed down. When we finally ‘let go’, she was okay already. “You can do it…I have faith in you…you dance VERY well…” I helped her wear her Pointe shoes and walked her into the auditorium. Before leaving her at the front rows, I whispered into her ear, “I love you…” She just hugged me tightly. I left her there and sat behind the front rows. I watched the others dance and sang. They were okay, I guess? When it was time for Jennie to go through it, I walked her to the stage and squeezed her hand. I walked to the piano and waited for her to give me the cue to start. When she nodded, I played. I couldn’t see what was happening or whether did she do great but when she finished the whole things with a triple pirouette, from the applause she had gotten, I knew she did great. After we walked off the stage and out the auditorium, she cried with joy and hugged me tightly, “I’ve done it! I can’t believe it!” I kissed her on her cheek and said, “Of course you did…” I replied. She looked at me in the eyes, those twinkling eyes. Without any warning, she kissed me. After we let go, she said, “Remember I said I had fallen for someone?” I just nodded. “Well, that guy…is you…” I couldn’t believe this was happening. This just felt so good, bliss.
*3 months later*
Jennie and I had been dating for the past 3 months since the audition. We actually forgotten everything about it until one day when I gotten the letter from them.
“Dear Mr. Davis Brightman,
You had past the audition that you had went for to our music school and we already have a place here at the school for you. Hope to see you soon. Thank you.
Mrs. Sarah Anderson,
The Principal of the Birmingham Conservatoire.”
I was freaking happy and shocked after I read the letter! The second I finished reading the letter, I called Jennie. “Jennie! Have you gotten the letter?!” I asked through the phone. “YES!! I DID!!! Oh my God! Did you too? Yay! We are going to be in the same campus!!”
And since then, I never left Jennie’s side. Because I knew, since the first day I saw her years ago, she is the girl of my dreams, my girl.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Was actually inspired by one of Josh Groban's Song...enjoy...
*13 years later*
I was in a music studio and was practicing the piano like mad. I applied to a music conservatoire in London to pursue my degree in piano. I was in a studio downtown playing the first movement of the Moonlight Sonata by Beethoven. I was going through the details of the song when I heard music coming from the next studio. I turned to find where that music was coming from. Through the semi-transparent tinted window, I saw a girl in her ballet outfit dancing to the music playing. She looked very gracefully dancing around her dance studio. I stopped practicing my piece and stare at the girl dancing. Somehow, she looked darn very familiar but I can’t seem to place her face in my mind. Suddenly, the girl just bends over, her brown hair slipped over her shoulders and she pirouette on her Pointe shoes. I winced at the sight when she turned on her toes. Somehow, I always think that it would hurt, but, maybe I was wrong, God knows. But after that, I kept staring at her dancing. Suddenly, it struck me. I knew where I had seen her before. I saw her dance before in this very same studio. It was the girl whom I had given the candy to. Involuntarily, I got up and went to the studio where she was dancing. I gave a knock onto the door, but she didn’t seem to hear the knock. So, I decided to slip into the studio without her knowing. When she done this huge leap which I think it calls ‘Grande Jete’, she noticed my presence in the room and she missed her landing and fell.
“Ouch!!!” She was clutching her ankle. ‘Oh no…’ I ran to her side. “Are you okay?” I asked. I tried helping her up. “Who are you? What are you doing here?” she asked. She winced as I helped her up onto her feet, she couldn’t stand. I got a bad feeling she may sprained her ankle. “Let me help you first, okay? I think you have injured your ankle.” I supported her weight as she limped out to the nearest bench. I left her there and went to inquire for a first-aid kit. After I have one, I went back to the girl. She had already taken off her Pointe ballet shoes. Her right ankle was red already. “You okay?” I asked as I took out some muscle cream and some ankle support. “I think so…” As I put some cream onto her ankle, she asked, “Do I know you?” I shook my head, “I guess not…but, you do look awfully familiar…” As I helped her put on the ankle support, she stared at me curiously for a long time, “Wait, you do look familiar…” she said in the end. There was a moment of silence before, “Hey, were you the boy who gave me the huge candy when I finished my ballet lesson in this studio? The one who said I dance well? 13 years ago?” She asked, smiling. I smiled back, somehow, when she smiles, it made my heart leap. “Yeah…you remembered? All these years?” I was flabbergasted. I couldn’t believe she even remembered that. She let out a small chuckle, “Of course! When you told me that, you made my day…I actually wanted to stop learning ballet all together at that time, but, you gave me hope to continue…” She smiled widely at me. “Thank you…” She hugged me tightly. When we pull ourselves away from each other from the embrace, I wanted so much to ask her out for dinner or something. Somehow since 13 years ago, she had made a VERY good impression on me till I would even remember her then. She wanted to stand up, so, I helped her. “Thank you for bandaging my ankle…” she smiled. “It’s no big deal…hey, can I get you name?” I asked. She smiled, “Its Jennifer…but, you can call me Jennie…what’s yours?” “I’m Davis…hey, wanna go out for dinner?” I asked, fingers crossed, hoping that she would agree. She just smiled and shook her head. “Sorry, I can’t. My ankle still hurts. What about next time?” When she said that, my heart literally sank but its true, her ankle is not that well still. “It’s okay, next time then. Do you want me to help you get your things back to your car?” So, I helped her carry her stuff and helped her to her car. “Take care, okay?” We exchanged our ID numbers and with that, we both left. Back home, I started texting her and vice versa. Soon, we also exchanged our email addresses and we started chatting in a chat forum and through emails.
From: Jennifer
To: Davis
Subject: Hello! =)
Hello! How are you? I’m fine, my ankle is okay already. But, I’m still advised not to go for ballet until next week. That’s the reason why you didn’t see me at the studio that day. I still remember the last question you had asked me before. The one that you had asked me whether or not do I want to go for dinner? Why not we go after our practice next week? Okay with you?
From: Davis
To: Jennifer
Subject: Re: Hello! =)
Hey! I’m fine! So, I take it as a date? Of course I can go! See you next week! Can’t wait. =)
I was frantically arranging my music sheets and all the other loose papers and I was running VERY late. When I got into the studio, I noticed that Jennie was not there yet. ‘Maybe she was also running late…’ I decided to start practicing my songs first while I wait for her. I was practicing another song for the audition, a Mozart piece. I had done 2 pieces; I still need one more. I was practicing both pieces. When I finished, I heard someone clapping behind me. I turned and was surprised to see Jennie there. “That was good…” she smiled. When both of our practice was over, we decided to get some Italian food for dinner. After placing our orders, we chatted. “What are you practicing for?” Jennie asked. I took a sip of the water before I spoke, “I applied for a music conservatoire in London and they say it’s the best and only one in London. So, I’m practicing for the entrance audition…what about you? What are you practicing for?” I asked. “Well, I am doing the same like you. I’m also practicing for an entrance audition in a music college down in London. I think…it’s the same college you are going…” she said. I was clearly shocked. “Really? Wow! We could be in the same campus…cool…” I smiled. From the chat, I found out she was pursuing Ballet in college. And not only that, she was having trouble finding a pianist to help her play the accompaniment for her to dance to. I suddenly wanted to help her, so, I volunteered myself, “Why not…I play for you?” I asked. She took my hand into hers, it her fingers on my hand gave a sudden jolt to my spine somehow. “Really? You can do that for me? Won’t it be very tasking for you? With all the extra practice you need to cope for your audition and mine?” she asked, with a very anxious face. “I’m okay…I could even do your dance piece as my last and final one for the audition.” She was ecstatic; she came over to me and gave me a hug. Somehow, I just want to make her happy in any way, but…why?
Soon, we started practicing together. Her song was ‘The Nutcracker’. A very interesting and a nice piece. As the time playing for her passed, I started to develop feelings for her. But, I don’t think it started there, I think, it started since 13 years ago, when we first met. But, I kept it a secret. Every night, I would think of her every second. Soon, the date of the audition started rolling in. We found out that both of our audition dates fell on the same day, so it good in a way? It was a week before the audition when we were chatting through I.M.
Jennifer: I feel SO nervous!!! HELP!!!
Davis: Chill! You’ll do great! You ARE good, ever since you were 5!
Jennifer: HEY?? I’M GETTING AN EMOTIONAL BREAKDOWN HERE!!!
Davis: OKAY, OKAY! Let’s change the subject then…Your pick…
Jennifer: Okay, hmm…I wanted to ask you this, but, I’m not sure whether it is okay for me to ask…
Davis: Shoot!
Jennifer: Well, do you believe in love?
Jennifer: Hello??
Jennifer: Are you still there??
Davis: Sorry there! Helping my mum in something…whether do I believe in love? Yeah. Of course.
Jennifer: Well, what do you feel when you had fallen in love?
That question really caught me off guard. ‘Should I tell her now that I DO like her? Or should I just play along?’ I decided to just play along, to see what it was really about.
Davis: Well, I feel my heart pound like REALLY hard whenever I’m near that person I like/love or when I just think about the person. Or when someone brings the person up in a conversation. Sometimes, I feel giddy but I would try to stay just as strong as I could. And I would keep on thinking of the person every single second. Something like that…why do you ask?
Jennifer: I don’t know, but, I think I had fallen for someone…
Looking at that, my heart literally sank. ‘She likes someone else…’ At that moment, I wanted to tell her straight off but in another, twisting way.
Davis: Jennie? I wanna tell you something…
Jennifer: Yeah?
Davis: I wanna tell you a joke…okay with that?
Jennifer: Yeah, it’s cool…what is it about?
Davis: Knock-knock…
Jennifer: Oh? A knock-knock joke? Okay. Who’s there?
Davis: I…
Jennifer: I? I who?
Davis: I…love you…
Jennifer: I What?!
Jennifer: Oh…
Jennifer: Davis? Are you still there?
*Davis is offline*
Since that I.M. conversation, I didn’t hear about her for the next week. Every time, I wonder how would she responded after she had found out that I had feelings for her. I didn’t know what to expect from her? I’m not sure whether does she understood what I said. Even if she did, will she avoid me? On the day of the audition, I put on the best formal wear I have. I went to the auditorium downtown where the audition was held. When I was there, I found Jennie. She was in her ballet outfit and in a pair of flip flops. She was holding onto her Pointe shoes. “Hey…” I said. “Hi…” she replied. That was very awkward. “Those who are auditioning for the piano category, please kindly proceeds to the auditorium. Thank you.” I was walking towards the auditorium when I felt someone’s hand on my shoulder, it was Jennie. “Can I…come in and watch you play?” she asked. I smiled and nodded to her. She and I walked towards the auditorium. Before I left her at the seat, she leaned in and kissed me on the cheek. I was a little taken back but, I smiled back at her. I walked towards the front few rows where the other people who were going for the audition waiting. After 5-7 people had gone through the audition, it was my turn. I was trying not to panic. When I steadied my fingers on the piano keys, I took a deep breath and my mind wandered back when Jennie kissed me. That gave me confidence all over again and my fingers just ‘touch’ on the keys gracefully. When I finished, I was happy. I was done. I walked up the stairs towards the exit. When I opened the doors, I saw Jennie smiling widely at me. “You were great!” she squealed. She hugged me tightly, I whispered into her ear, “It’s your turn now…” She breathe in deep and tried to calm down. Suddenly, an announcement was made, “Those who are auditioning for the contemporary dance and singing category, please kindly go the auditorium now. Thank you.” And with that, Jennie started to be in a nervous breakdown. She started breathing at irregular rhythms. “Jennie, are you okay? Relax, you can do it…” I hugged her, trying to calm her down. “I can’t do it…I’m afraid I would screw the Grande Jete and my pirouettes…I don’t know…I…I…” She was seriously having a major nervous breakdown. Without thinking, I kissed her, full frontal. Automatically, she calmed down. When we finally ‘let go’, she was okay already. “You can do it…I have faith in you…you dance VERY well…” I helped her wear her Pointe shoes and walked her into the auditorium. Before leaving her at the front rows, I whispered into her ear, “I love you…” She just hugged me tightly. I left her there and sat behind the front rows. I watched the others dance and sang. They were okay, I guess? When it was time for Jennie to go through it, I walked her to the stage and squeezed her hand. I walked to the piano and waited for her to give me the cue to start. When she nodded, I played. I couldn’t see what was happening or whether did she do great but when she finished the whole things with a triple pirouette, from the applause she had gotten, I knew she did great. After we walked off the stage and out the auditorium, she cried with joy and hugged me tightly, “I’ve done it! I can’t believe it!” I kissed her on her cheek and said, “Of course you did…” I replied. She looked at me in the eyes, those twinkling eyes. Without any warning, she kissed me. After we let go, she said, “Remember I said I had fallen for someone?” I just nodded. “Well, that guy…is you…” I couldn’t believe this was happening. This just felt so good, bliss.
*3 months later*
Jennie and I had been dating for the past 3 months since the audition. We actually forgotten everything about it until one day when I gotten the letter from them.
“Dear Mr. Davis Brightman,
You had past the audition that you had went for to our music school and we already have a place here at the school for you. Hope to see you soon. Thank you.
Mrs. Sarah Anderson,
The Principal of the Birmingham Conservatoire.”
I was freaking happy and shocked after I read the letter! The second I finished reading the letter, I called Jennie. “Jennie! Have you gotten the letter?!” I asked through the phone. “YES!! I DID!!! Oh my God! Did you too? Yay! We are going to be in the same campus!!”
And since then, I never left Jennie’s side. Because I knew, since the first day I saw her years ago, she is the girl of my dreams, my girl.
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Was actually inspired by one of Josh Groban's Song...enjoy...
Thursday, December 23, 2010
Held by a Ring
Every time when I look at myself into the mirror, my eyes would wander to my neck where it hung a ring necklace. At the sight of the necklace would make me tear a little. Every time I daydream, I would fiddle the ring. And with that, those sweet memories would come to life right in front of my eyes, but the second I blinked, it would disappear and that really breaks my heart. Every time I sleep, I would dream of the past but whenever I wake up in the middle of the night and found out that it’s just all a dream, I would eventually cry myself to sleep. Every time I would ask myself why did this happen? ‘Why?’ I would ask. I regretted into letting this happen.
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When I was 9, I met a boy who was from a junior high school near my middle school. His name is Jesse Carmichael. I met him through my cousin’s 15th birthday bash. My cousin, Emily and he were schoolmates in the same form. We talked and chatted during the whole party and I really enjoyed it very much. After the party, he asked Emily for my number and she did give him. We talked and chatted a lot on the phone and we texted quite a lot too. Soon, my phone bill raked up and my parents were going ballistic. Soon, we started IM-ing each other using the net since it was cheaper back then. Soon, I had a little crush on him but I was young and I didn’t know whether my feelings for him were genuine. My birthday falls on Valentine’s Day coincidentally. The day I turned 10, he told me he had feelings for me. I was very shocked when he told me that. Very seldom I know boys his age in my housing area dated girls around my age. He was 16 while I’m 10. Our age gap was VERY big. But one thing led to the other, we started going out.
I know people say I am too young to know anything about love at that time. But at that age, I was already very mature compared to people my age. We dated for about 2 years. We were celebrating Valentine’s Day and also my 11th birthday. We just wanted to hang out together. We were walking in the mall downtown when Jesse said this to me, “Hey, Hayley? Wait here for a while, I wanna get you something…” and he just went off. I assume he went to the bathroom or something. He left me sitting by my own on a bench, looking at people walking past. I was starting to get anxious when he didn’t show up for the next 15 minutes. Mind you, I was just only 11 at that time. I kept my eyes out, trying to find him. I was getting scared after half an hour. It was only close to one hour when he finally showed up. “Jesse, where were you? I’m so scared…you were gone so long…” I said when he came over to me. A tear fell from my eye. “Hayley, I went to get something…don’t worry, I won’t leave you, you know that, right sweetheart?” he asked and he kissed me on my forehead and wiped the tear away. “I left for awhile to get you this…” he took out a maroon box and put it into my hand. “Opened it…” he said with a smile. When I saw him smile, I myself involuntarily smiled too. I just love his smile. “Okay…” I replied. I opened the box and saw this metallic ring sitting in the box. “Oh my…” I was shocked. He took out the ring from the box. It was connected to a chain and made it look like a necklace. He opened the necklace latch and put it around my neck. My fingers fiddled with the ring and I looked at him, “What’s this for?” I asked. He smiled and said, “This is for your birthday…and also for Valentine’s Day…I even have one too…”He took his ring out from below his shirt and showed it to me. It was the exact same ring. “This is our ring…” he told me. I didn’t know what to say, “Wow…thank you…” I hugged him. Since that day, I didn’t take off the necklace. I wanted to let be like what the way it is. Our relationship went strong until I turned 12. My parents didn’t know about our relationship until one day when my mum caught us making out in the kitchen. She was fuming and kept screaming at me about it. She didn’t want me to see him anymore. I was crying very badly but I never disobeyed my parents’ wishes before. So, I deleted his ID number from my phone and also his name from my IM account and other various Internet chatting applications. Whenever he called or texted me, I just ignored it. Even I had stopped using the Internet chatting sites or whatever. It’s heart-wrecking for me to do so. But, I never disobeyed my parents and I was afraid to do so at that time. Soon, I never heard of him again but I still see him from time to time. My family moved to Iowa because dad had a new job there and since then, I really never heard of him already for two years already. I was 14 by then. Even after leaving my old home, I never once took off the necklace he gave me when I was 11. In my new school, my new girlfriends kept asking me was it my boyfriend who had given me that necklace because when other people just touch it a bit I would get angry scream in their faces. I would always reply a simple, “Yeah…” I loved the boy and no other boy had been so nice to me before.
A few months later, I had gotten a call from Megan, Jesse’s sister, “Hayley? This is Megan? Jesse’s sister?” I was very surprised to hear from Megan. Megan is Jesse’s little sister who is a year younger than me. “Yeah, this is Hayley. What’s up? Are you and Jesse doing great?” I asked. I was very surprised to have gotten this call and was curious about Jesse. But something told me that something was not right. Something in Megan’s voice was worrying me. “I’m fine…I…I’m just…just calling to tell you…about….well, something about Jesse…” she hesitated. When she said Jesse’s name, I was hoping for the best and brace myself for the worst. “What about Jesse? Is he alright?” I was beginning to worry for him because I still care for him and now out of the sudden there was some news about him? It was just making me even more worried. I was fiddling my ring while waiting for Megan’s reply. “Hayley, my brother is dead…” And with that, she just broke down at the other end of the line. I couldn’t believe what I had just heard. In one hand I was clutching the phone very tightly while the other was holding onto the ring. I was hoping it was just some sick joke. “Wha-what?!” I screamed into the phone. “It’s true…he’s gone…” she sniffed and she continued to sob loudly into the phone. When I know my ears weren’t fooling around, my knees just gave way and I fell, sitting on the floor. Without thinking, tears flow down my cheeks. I tried consoling Megan but deep down in me, I was literally breaking, piece by piece. From bits and pieces from Megan, I found out that Jesse died in a car accident up Iowa. He wanted to find me and to pay a visit. “He…he wanted to find you…” Megan sobbed. I couldn’t stand it. I slam the phone down and cried and cried. I couldn’t believe it, I really couldn’t believe it. Megan texted me the date of the wake but I know my parents wouldn’t let me go there and I also know I wouldn’t have the guts to go there too.
Every time when I look at myself into the mirror, my eyes would wander to my neck where it hung a ring necklace. At the sight of the necklace would make me tear a little. Every time I daydream, I would fiddle the ring. And with that, those sweet memories would come to life right in front of my eyes, but the second I blinked, it would disappear and that really breaks my heart. Every time I sleep, I would dream of the past but whenever I wake up in the middle of the night and found out that it’s just all a dream, I would eventually cry myself to sleep. Every time I would ask myself why did this happen? ‘Why?’ I would ask. I regretted into letting this happen.
Since the day I found out that Jesse was gone, my mum knows something was wrong. She kept asking me what was wrong. Only after a month later, I finally told her. “Baby, what’s wrong? You look so sad…these days…you wanna talk about it?” And with that, I just went to her and cried in her embrace and bit by bit I told her. She tried consoling me but I know that it won’t work, the wound is deep and it may not even heal properly. I had been like that for a very long time. The day I got my driving license at the age of 16, I drove my way back to my old home. I decided to pay a visit to Megan’s place. After I knocked onto the door, I heard some shuffling inside the house and a few seconds later, Megan opened the door. “Hayley?” she was very surprised to see me. I smiled at her and said, “Hello Megan, how are you?” She just nodded, “I’m fine…” She ushered me into the house. “Mum and dad are not in town at the moment…they are doing some business outside of town…” she explained. “But, why didn’t you go with them?” I asked. “Having a major exam soon, staying back to study. C’mon, you just sit here while I get some tea for you…” I sat down at the couch and just looked around. I noticed a lot of photo frames on the cupboard. I stood up to get a closer look at all of them. There were a lot with Megan and her parents. There were also a few with Jesse inside. But there was one with him alone, smiling happily. I took the photo and peered into the photo. I traced his jaw line and also his hair. “He was 20 then, a few months before he died…” Megan said. I was a little surprised at Megan’s presence there. “Oh…” She placed tea on the table. I sat down on the couch again but I was still looking at the photo. He was still wearing the ring necklace he got for both of us. “Megan, did he…did he died wearing that necklace?” I asked. Megan nodded, “Yeah, he did. He even buried wearing it…he told us before he didn’t want to part with it, he never took it off before…it was that special to him…I wonder why…” I was fiddling with mine when she said that, ‘The ring was that special to him…I was that special to him…’ Megan noticed me fiddling with my ring, “Is that the same ring with my brother’s?” she asked. I looked at her, then to the ring and back to her again, “Yes…it’s the exact same one as his…he bought both of it for the both of us…when I was 11…it was our ring…” I replied. She looked at me in disbelief. “So, it was you all along…and that letter…it was meant for you…” she said, looking very relief. I was very confused at that moment, “Letter?” I asked. She stood up and pulled me along, “C’mon up, I have to give you something…” We walked up the stairs and brought me up to Jesse’s old room. She opened up and that familiar smell came flooding out. It still looked the same to me. On his study table, there were a photo of him and I. I was only 12 and he was 18. I looked so different. He looked different, too, compared to the photo when he was 20 in the photo, but he looked the same familiar self in this photo. I picked up the photo and peered into it. Megan went into his closet and pulled out a box. Megan saw that I was holding the photo in my hand, “You can have that if you want and if you also want the photo when he was 20, I can get one for you and email it to you…” she said. She took out an envelope from the box and gave it to me. “Here, this was left in my brother’s possession and was supposed to be given to you but we didn’t know it was for you…” She passed the envelope into my hands. She also put the photo frame into my hands. She agreed to email me the photo of Jesse when he was 20. Megan told me where they had buried him. I waved goodbye to her and when to my car. I took the other photo frame of him and me and put it into my handbag while holding tightly onto the envelope. I drove off to the florist and bought the freshest lily flower, his favourite. Soon after that, I went to the cemetery. I took my handbag, the flower and also the envelope and walked over to his grave. “Hi Jesse…” I put the flower on the grave and sat down on the grass. I took out the letter and started reading it:
“Dear sweetheart,
I haven’t heard from you for awhile now, I hope you are doing alright. I miss you. I have no idea why you had suddenly stopped answering my calls, my texts and my emails. I got the feeling that maybe it was because of your parents and since you are always the good girl in the family, you would never disobey you parents, right? But I just want to tell you that I still love you…even though of our age gap, I still love you…I don’t know whether do you still love me? Remember the ring I have and the one I gave you? I still have it, I never took it off. If there’s anything that had happened to me, I want you to know that I still love you and that I want you to be happy, always. I also want you to know that if there’s anything that had happened to me, I want you to move on in life, but please don’t forget about me. Take care and I love you…
Love,
Jesse”
When I read the letter, I was already crying my eyes out. ‘I still love you, Jesse…and always will…’ I ‘talked’ to him for about an hour while looking at the photo. I traced his jaw line. I really missed him. My life was in a mess that time. Somehow, I really hoped that Jesse would be alive now and just talk to me. If he were still alive, he would be 22 now. Before I left, I felt a breeze when past me. It felt very familiar to me. I thought that Jesse was there with me. That night after I got back home, I was ready to sleep when I heard someone called me, “Hi Hayley…” I spunned around and saw Jesse sitting on my bed. ‘Oh my God…’ “Jesse?” I ran over to him and hugged him oh so tightly. “I missed you…so much…” I said, suddenly tears from my eyes came flowing all over again. He didn’t change one bit, he still looked the same to me. “I know…I miss you too…” he said, as he stroked my hair. We talked for about an hour. Then, he tucked me into bed. Before I slept, he showed me his ring, “Remember this? I still wearing it…what about you?” he asked. I smiled and showed him mine too. He smiled widely. “Hayley, you have to remember to go on with life…I still love you…you could still find love even after me…remember I will be watching over you, and helping you…” He then kissed me and my eyes just closed because of exhaustion. That night was the best night of all, I could sleep.
All that had happened 12 years ago. Jesse kept his promise and really looked after me from above. I met David when I was 20 and now, we are engaged. If Jesse was alive now, he would be 32 now. David asked me before about the ring before and I told him about Jesse and he seems to be okay with it. He even let me to wear the necklace. He doesn’t get jealous about it which really made me feel happy. He understands and that’s what I like about David. A month before our wedding, I brought David to Jesse’s grave and introduced him to Jesse. “Jesse, this is David, my fiancé…you are right, Jesse, I could still find love…thank you for helping me…”
This story was inspired by a dear friend of mine...enjoy.
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When I was 9, I met a boy who was from a junior high school near my middle school. His name is Jesse Carmichael. I met him through my cousin’s 15th birthday bash. My cousin, Emily and he were schoolmates in the same form. We talked and chatted during the whole party and I really enjoyed it very much. After the party, he asked Emily for my number and she did give him. We talked and chatted a lot on the phone and we texted quite a lot too. Soon, my phone bill raked up and my parents were going ballistic. Soon, we started IM-ing each other using the net since it was cheaper back then. Soon, I had a little crush on him but I was young and I didn’t know whether my feelings for him were genuine. My birthday falls on Valentine’s Day coincidentally. The day I turned 10, he told me he had feelings for me. I was very shocked when he told me that. Very seldom I know boys his age in my housing area dated girls around my age. He was 16 while I’m 10. Our age gap was VERY big. But one thing led to the other, we started going out.
I know people say I am too young to know anything about love at that time. But at that age, I was already very mature compared to people my age. We dated for about 2 years. We were celebrating Valentine’s Day and also my 11th birthday. We just wanted to hang out together. We were walking in the mall downtown when Jesse said this to me, “Hey, Hayley? Wait here for a while, I wanna get you something…” and he just went off. I assume he went to the bathroom or something. He left me sitting by my own on a bench, looking at people walking past. I was starting to get anxious when he didn’t show up for the next 15 minutes. Mind you, I was just only 11 at that time. I kept my eyes out, trying to find him. I was getting scared after half an hour. It was only close to one hour when he finally showed up. “Jesse, where were you? I’m so scared…you were gone so long…” I said when he came over to me. A tear fell from my eye. “Hayley, I went to get something…don’t worry, I won’t leave you, you know that, right sweetheart?” he asked and he kissed me on my forehead and wiped the tear away. “I left for awhile to get you this…” he took out a maroon box and put it into my hand. “Opened it…” he said with a smile. When I saw him smile, I myself involuntarily smiled too. I just love his smile. “Okay…” I replied. I opened the box and saw this metallic ring sitting in the box. “Oh my…” I was shocked. He took out the ring from the box. It was connected to a chain and made it look like a necklace. He opened the necklace latch and put it around my neck. My fingers fiddled with the ring and I looked at him, “What’s this for?” I asked. He smiled and said, “This is for your birthday…and also for Valentine’s Day…I even have one too…”He took his ring out from below his shirt and showed it to me. It was the exact same ring. “This is our ring…” he told me. I didn’t know what to say, “Wow…thank you…” I hugged him. Since that day, I didn’t take off the necklace. I wanted to let be like what the way it is. Our relationship went strong until I turned 12. My parents didn’t know about our relationship until one day when my mum caught us making out in the kitchen. She was fuming and kept screaming at me about it. She didn’t want me to see him anymore. I was crying very badly but I never disobeyed my parents’ wishes before. So, I deleted his ID number from my phone and also his name from my IM account and other various Internet chatting applications. Whenever he called or texted me, I just ignored it. Even I had stopped using the Internet chatting sites or whatever. It’s heart-wrecking for me to do so. But, I never disobeyed my parents and I was afraid to do so at that time. Soon, I never heard of him again but I still see him from time to time. My family moved to Iowa because dad had a new job there and since then, I really never heard of him already for two years already. I was 14 by then. Even after leaving my old home, I never once took off the necklace he gave me when I was 11. In my new school, my new girlfriends kept asking me was it my boyfriend who had given me that necklace because when other people just touch it a bit I would get angry scream in their faces. I would always reply a simple, “Yeah…” I loved the boy and no other boy had been so nice to me before.
A few months later, I had gotten a call from Megan, Jesse’s sister, “Hayley? This is Megan? Jesse’s sister?” I was very surprised to hear from Megan. Megan is Jesse’s little sister who is a year younger than me. “Yeah, this is Hayley. What’s up? Are you and Jesse doing great?” I asked. I was very surprised to have gotten this call and was curious about Jesse. But something told me that something was not right. Something in Megan’s voice was worrying me. “I’m fine…I…I’m just…just calling to tell you…about….well, something about Jesse…” she hesitated. When she said Jesse’s name, I was hoping for the best and brace myself for the worst. “What about Jesse? Is he alright?” I was beginning to worry for him because I still care for him and now out of the sudden there was some news about him? It was just making me even more worried. I was fiddling my ring while waiting for Megan’s reply. “Hayley, my brother is dead…” And with that, she just broke down at the other end of the line. I couldn’t believe what I had just heard. In one hand I was clutching the phone very tightly while the other was holding onto the ring. I was hoping it was just some sick joke. “Wha-what?!” I screamed into the phone. “It’s true…he’s gone…” she sniffed and she continued to sob loudly into the phone. When I know my ears weren’t fooling around, my knees just gave way and I fell, sitting on the floor. Without thinking, tears flow down my cheeks. I tried consoling Megan but deep down in me, I was literally breaking, piece by piece. From bits and pieces from Megan, I found out that Jesse died in a car accident up Iowa. He wanted to find me and to pay a visit. “He…he wanted to find you…” Megan sobbed. I couldn’t stand it. I slam the phone down and cried and cried. I couldn’t believe it, I really couldn’t believe it. Megan texted me the date of the wake but I know my parents wouldn’t let me go there and I also know I wouldn’t have the guts to go there too.
Every time when I look at myself into the mirror, my eyes would wander to my neck where it hung a ring necklace. At the sight of the necklace would make me tear a little. Every time I daydream, I would fiddle the ring. And with that, those sweet memories would come to life right in front of my eyes, but the second I blinked, it would disappear and that really breaks my heart. Every time I sleep, I would dream of the past but whenever I wake up in the middle of the night and found out that it’s just all a dream, I would eventually cry myself to sleep. Every time I would ask myself why did this happen? ‘Why?’ I would ask. I regretted into letting this happen.
Since the day I found out that Jesse was gone, my mum knows something was wrong. She kept asking me what was wrong. Only after a month later, I finally told her. “Baby, what’s wrong? You look so sad…these days…you wanna talk about it?” And with that, I just went to her and cried in her embrace and bit by bit I told her. She tried consoling me but I know that it won’t work, the wound is deep and it may not even heal properly. I had been like that for a very long time. The day I got my driving license at the age of 16, I drove my way back to my old home. I decided to pay a visit to Megan’s place. After I knocked onto the door, I heard some shuffling inside the house and a few seconds later, Megan opened the door. “Hayley?” she was very surprised to see me. I smiled at her and said, “Hello Megan, how are you?” She just nodded, “I’m fine…” She ushered me into the house. “Mum and dad are not in town at the moment…they are doing some business outside of town…” she explained. “But, why didn’t you go with them?” I asked. “Having a major exam soon, staying back to study. C’mon, you just sit here while I get some tea for you…” I sat down at the couch and just looked around. I noticed a lot of photo frames on the cupboard. I stood up to get a closer look at all of them. There were a lot with Megan and her parents. There were also a few with Jesse inside. But there was one with him alone, smiling happily. I took the photo and peered into the photo. I traced his jaw line and also his hair. “He was 20 then, a few months before he died…” Megan said. I was a little surprised at Megan’s presence there. “Oh…” She placed tea on the table. I sat down on the couch again but I was still looking at the photo. He was still wearing the ring necklace he got for both of us. “Megan, did he…did he died wearing that necklace?” I asked. Megan nodded, “Yeah, he did. He even buried wearing it…he told us before he didn’t want to part with it, he never took it off before…it was that special to him…I wonder why…” I was fiddling with mine when she said that, ‘The ring was that special to him…I was that special to him…’ Megan noticed me fiddling with my ring, “Is that the same ring with my brother’s?” she asked. I looked at her, then to the ring and back to her again, “Yes…it’s the exact same one as his…he bought both of it for the both of us…when I was 11…it was our ring…” I replied. She looked at me in disbelief. “So, it was you all along…and that letter…it was meant for you…” she said, looking very relief. I was very confused at that moment, “Letter?” I asked. She stood up and pulled me along, “C’mon up, I have to give you something…” We walked up the stairs and brought me up to Jesse’s old room. She opened up and that familiar smell came flooding out. It still looked the same to me. On his study table, there were a photo of him and I. I was only 12 and he was 18. I looked so different. He looked different, too, compared to the photo when he was 20 in the photo, but he looked the same familiar self in this photo. I picked up the photo and peered into it. Megan went into his closet and pulled out a box. Megan saw that I was holding the photo in my hand, “You can have that if you want and if you also want the photo when he was 20, I can get one for you and email it to you…” she said. She took out an envelope from the box and gave it to me. “Here, this was left in my brother’s possession and was supposed to be given to you but we didn’t know it was for you…” She passed the envelope into my hands. She also put the photo frame into my hands. She agreed to email me the photo of Jesse when he was 20. Megan told me where they had buried him. I waved goodbye to her and when to my car. I took the other photo frame of him and me and put it into my handbag while holding tightly onto the envelope. I drove off to the florist and bought the freshest lily flower, his favourite. Soon after that, I went to the cemetery. I took my handbag, the flower and also the envelope and walked over to his grave. “Hi Jesse…” I put the flower on the grave and sat down on the grass. I took out the letter and started reading it:
“Dear sweetheart,
I haven’t heard from you for awhile now, I hope you are doing alright. I miss you. I have no idea why you had suddenly stopped answering my calls, my texts and my emails. I got the feeling that maybe it was because of your parents and since you are always the good girl in the family, you would never disobey you parents, right? But I just want to tell you that I still love you…even though of our age gap, I still love you…I don’t know whether do you still love me? Remember the ring I have and the one I gave you? I still have it, I never took it off. If there’s anything that had happened to me, I want you to know that I still love you and that I want you to be happy, always. I also want you to know that if there’s anything that had happened to me, I want you to move on in life, but please don’t forget about me. Take care and I love you…
Love,
Jesse”
When I read the letter, I was already crying my eyes out. ‘I still love you, Jesse…and always will…’ I ‘talked’ to him for about an hour while looking at the photo. I traced his jaw line. I really missed him. My life was in a mess that time. Somehow, I really hoped that Jesse would be alive now and just talk to me. If he were still alive, he would be 22 now. Before I left, I felt a breeze when past me. It felt very familiar to me. I thought that Jesse was there with me. That night after I got back home, I was ready to sleep when I heard someone called me, “Hi Hayley…” I spunned around and saw Jesse sitting on my bed. ‘Oh my God…’ “Jesse?” I ran over to him and hugged him oh so tightly. “I missed you…so much…” I said, suddenly tears from my eyes came flowing all over again. He didn’t change one bit, he still looked the same to me. “I know…I miss you too…” he said, as he stroked my hair. We talked for about an hour. Then, he tucked me into bed. Before I slept, he showed me his ring, “Remember this? I still wearing it…what about you?” he asked. I smiled and showed him mine too. He smiled widely. “Hayley, you have to remember to go on with life…I still love you…you could still find love even after me…remember I will be watching over you, and helping you…” He then kissed me and my eyes just closed because of exhaustion. That night was the best night of all, I could sleep.
All that had happened 12 years ago. Jesse kept his promise and really looked after me from above. I met David when I was 20 and now, we are engaged. If Jesse was alive now, he would be 32 now. David asked me before about the ring before and I told him about Jesse and he seems to be okay with it. He even let me to wear the necklace. He doesn’t get jealous about it which really made me feel happy. He understands and that’s what I like about David. A month before our wedding, I brought David to Jesse’s grave and introduced him to Jesse. “Jesse, this is David, my fiancé…you are right, Jesse, I could still find love…thank you for helping me…”
This story was inspired by a dear friend of mine...enjoy.
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
I miss you...
I miss how you would look into me,
Trying to guess my emotions everytime.
And everytime you guess,
It's always correct.
I miss how you would read my thoughts,
And figure out what's bothering me at that moment.
And how you would finish my sentence whenever I'm in trouble.
That always save my arse sometimes.
I miss how you would whisper into my ear,
Late at night,
At your place,
When everyone is sleeping.
I miss how you could interprete my feelings,
Just by listening to my voice,
Over the phone,
And that you kept on asking me what's wrong.
I miss how you just make me smile,
With all the actions you make.
And with all that,
I would eventually smile, for real.
I miss how you would just let everything go,
Just to keep me company in the late nights,
When I'm scared,
Or just plain bored.
I miss how you would hold my hand,
Whenever I'm scared,
Nervous,
Or just afraid.
To cut the crap short, I just miss you...
Sad to end it this way, was hoping to just tingle your heart once again, like how it used to.
*Inspired by something...*
Trying to guess my emotions everytime.
And everytime you guess,
It's always correct.
I miss how you would read my thoughts,
And figure out what's bothering me at that moment.
And how you would finish my sentence whenever I'm in trouble.
That always save my arse sometimes.
I miss how you would whisper into my ear,
Late at night,
At your place,
When everyone is sleeping.
I miss how you could interprete my feelings,
Just by listening to my voice,
Over the phone,
And that you kept on asking me what's wrong.
I miss how you just make me smile,
With all the actions you make.
And with all that,
I would eventually smile, for real.
I miss how you would just let everything go,
Just to keep me company in the late nights,
When I'm scared,
Or just plain bored.
I miss how you would hold my hand,
Whenever I'm scared,
Nervous,
Or just afraid.
To cut the crap short, I just miss you...
Sad to end it this way, was hoping to just tingle your heart once again, like how it used to.
*Inspired by something...*
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