Love everyone even your enemies and God as much as how you love yourself, and everything will fall into place...
Monday, March 21, 2011
Love
Love everyone even your enemies and God as much as how you love yourself, and everything will fall into place...
Saturday, March 19, 2011
The day Before
Well, I had already went throguh pre-confirmation camp, confirmation camp and LSS. And today, i went through reconciliation after SO many years...and what's more, tomorrow's confirmation. Changes in my life spiritually? Hmm, a lot. Never thought I would end up being how religious I am now. Honestly speaking, I wasn't a real 'holy' person before. I guess, I did change then. Learning to cope with everything around me, with the grace of God, I will.
* MUST NOT SIN FOR THE NEXT 17 HOURS!!!!! CONFIRMATION!!!! x)*
Shalom to all of ya people! =)
* MUST NOT SIN FOR THE NEXT 17 HOURS!!!!! CONFIRMATION!!!! x)*
Shalom to all of ya people! =)
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
My Testimony
*For those who believe in Christ or is wanting to believe in Christ*
I was in a depressed mood the week before my first LSS (Life in Spirit Seminar) at APC, KL. I was going through something not quite expected and was hoping that the seminar would help me forget everything that happened. The talks and ‘Praise & Worship’ sessions were inspiring conducted by Eddy and Alvin and others too, of course. Every single bit of that inspired me and 70 others in the seminar. In every church camp or in this case, a seminar, there would always be an ‘Inner Healing’ session and maybe also a ‘Receiving of the Gifts’ session. I decided to leave everything to God, all my troubles and worries.
*Just a reminder, whatever the conversation I had written below in my testimony may not be the exact words but it IS the exact meaning. Alleluia, praise the Lord.*
The night of the ‘Inner Healing’ session, to be exact, the second night, a very eerie feeling was looming around us. All of knew that the Holy Spirit of the Lord was present before us, waiting for the perfect timing to cleanse us from sin and heal us in the name of the Lord. Alvin gave us a short talk about the brokenness of mere mortals and how God had healed them through so many ways to comfort them. Before starting the session, we sang praises to the Lord. Soon, Alvin and Eddy led us in forgiving; forgiving our mother, our father, our brothers and sisters, and also friends who had hurt us badly before. At this point, people around me wept as they forgave the people around them whom had hurt them. People around me wept and cried out as the Holy Spirit worked its way through everybody’s hearts. This was the first time in three camps which held in a 3 years span that I didn’t really cry. I knew in the past two camps, I had forgiven everything I needed to forgive. So, I decided to pray for others around me who I sensed that they were in so much pain, spiritually. We were asked to stand and pray for the slaying of the Holy Spirit was about to take place. Many youths amongst us then, including me, were praying in tongues after we had been given the gift by Lord Himself. Soon, I heard many around me fell as the Holy Spirit touched them. Both my feet felt weak out of the sudden and wanted to fell too but I knew if I did I might hit someone. So I decided to push against the current the Lord wanted to me to do. Sudden, I felt I was teleported into another dimension, a whole new world even though I could still hear voices and sounds of praises sung by my fellow friends in the reality world. I knew that Jesus had transported me somewhere where he could talk to me.
I was in a room painted white. It was dimly lidded. Soon, I saw a figure coming out. My instinct told me it was Jesus. But the next though that came to me, ‘This couldn’t be Jesus. I saw him before. This is not him.’ And I was right. A girl of 18 or maybe even 19 came out, wearing what I knew was a shepherd girl would wear; an off-white, one piece dress of some sort and a rope as a belt. Instead of holding a staff in her hand, it was a sword. At the sight of the sword, I immediately knew who she was. It was my patron saint, St. Joan of Arc, the 19 year old girl full of courage and determined to bring back justice to her country, France. Don’t ask me how or why I knew it was her. Her sudden presence frightened me. She smiled at me. I could see a small glow laminating her. Suddenly, another figure came. This figure really frightened the hell out of me. It was the Blessed Virgin Mary. I felt my whole body shake and tremble. From her eyes, I could see so much compassion that frightened me even more. Suddenly, a dove flew towards me and land along side Mary and St. Joan. A transfiguration took place. From the elegant dove, it changed into the Lord himself. I heard another voice from the reality world. I think it was the leader who was praying for me at the moment. ‘If you feel you want to fall back as the Spirit had touched you, just fall.’ And with that, I felt my whole body fell in the reality and spiritual world. I was subconscious then. I felt a tear rolled down from my right eye just as I fell. I saw Jesus bend over and put his hand out, the hand which has the mark where the nail had driven into on the day he died for all of us, out in front of me. ‘Stand up, my child.’ Automatically, I stood up with the help of the Lord. I was trembling and was talking to him in tongues, the only language I used to converse with the Lord and the saints. I don’t really remember the exact words I used to converse with him but I knew what I did said, ‘Lord, am I in trouble? Why are Mother Mary and Saint Joan here with you?’ Instead of the Lord, St. Joan answered, ‘You are called to preach the Lord’s words to nations, to people around you, young and old.’ I was shaking even more when I heard that. How could that be true? This could not be happening. Jesus read my mind, ‘My child, when my father said you will preach His words, you will preach His words in His name.’ I shook my head as I doubt. I kept saying ‘No’ for I knew I couldn’t. To cut the crap short, I had a minor argument with St. Joan, Mother Mary and the Lord himself.
Jesus was angry at my doubts of the message given by him. I was shaking tremendously at the sight of his anger. St. Joan walked towards me and had both of her hands on my shoulder, ‘You can do it… We all have faith in you…’ At the moment she said ‘We’, I saw that many people had crowded the white room. I believed that it was all the saints for I saw Mother Theresa in the crowd. ‘All of us here have faith in you to do this…’ said St. Joan, indicating everyone in the crowd. Mother Mary smiled knowingly, agreeing. I shook my head, ‘No. I can’t. I really can’t do what you had just said.’ I told the Lord. ‘Since you denied in believing the message God had given, you will not be able to speak until you believe.’ He said. The next thing I knew, I ‘woke’ up from whatever this called. My mind tried to get used to the surrounding around me which I found hard to do so. I tried to talk and sure enough, I couldn’t find my voice. Alvin had asked the youths who were ready could go before the ‘makeshift’ altar and pray. Before leaving the altar, take the stone with a bible verse or chapter written on it in the basket. I stood up and went to pray. I asked God was He sure in choosing me to preach. I wanted my voice to be back soon. After I stood up from praying, I took a stone. 1 Cor 13 was written on it. Frantically, I went to look for a Bible to read whatever was in 1 Corinthian 13. It was a chapter about love:
‘I may be able to speak the languages of human beings and even of angels, but if I have no love, my speech is no more than a noisy gong or a clanging bell. I may have the gift of inspired preaching; I may have all knowledge and understand all secrets; I may have all the faith needed to move mountains- but if I have no love, this does me no good.
Love is patient and kind; it is not jealous or conceited or proud; love is not ill-mannered or selfish or irritable; love does not keep a record of wrongs; love is not happy with evil, but is happy with the truth. Love never gives up and its faith, hope, and patience never fail.
Love is eternal. There are inspired messages, but they are temporary; there are gifts of speaking in strange tongues, but they will cease; there is knowledge, but it will pass. For our gifts of knowledge and of inspired messages are only partial; but when what is perfect comes, then what is partial will disappear.
When I was a child, my speech, feelings, and thinking were all those of a child; now that I am an adult, I have no more use for childish ways. What we see now is like a dim image in a mirror; the new shall see face-to-face. What I know now is partial; then it will be complete- as complete as God’s knowledge of me.
Meanwhile these three remain: faith, hope, and love; and the greatest of these is love.’
The minute I finished that whole chapter, I felt something warm in me. I felt someone using my mind and was promising the Lord that yes, I will preach His words when the time was right and I was ready. In an instant, I could talk again.
That was my vision during the ‘Inner Healing’ session. But my vision didn’t end there. It continued again during the ‘Receiving of Gifts’ session. There are 9 gifts that the Lord might present it to people. I could speak and pray in tongues and also understand whatever I was saying to the Lord. Freaky, right? I found out through Eddy that 99% of Christians couldn’t do that. I guess I am the 1% then. When we were going through the ‘Receiving of Gifts’ session, I heard people were already falling and speaking in tongues already. Since I already have a gift, the gift of speaking in tongues to be specific, I decided to pray for the others who didn’t have a gift and was desperate to have one for God knows what reasons. I knew I wasn’t going to fall but one of the leaders there was praying for me in tongues. The Holy Spirit was beginning to do its work around me, again. Why are You doing its way around me? Don’t waste your time on me who already have a gift from You .I kept trying to NOT to fall off. The leader in front of me was praying even more. Soon, the Holy Spirit just wham into me. Before I fell, I heard this from the leader who was praying for me, ‘Give her the fire to do your ways.’ I fell as I felt a sharp pain ran through my ankle. Someone caught me from behind and laid me down. As I was laid down, my mind was transported to another room, the exact same one I had been during the ‘Inner Healing’ session. But the person before me wasn’t anyone I had seen before in any of my visions. The man was in a black robe and in sandals. He had very black hair that covered half his face; he had a malevolent smile plastered on his face.
A shudder ran through my spine as I looked into his eyes, eyes that didn’t had any life in it. Even though that man was a few feet away from me, he had this bad aura around him that covered the whole room. My heart started beating faster. I felt someone put his hand on my shoulder. When that hand touched my shoulder, a blissful feeling went through my whole body. Without even looking, I knew who he was. ‘Child, cast Lucifer away in My name.’ Jesus told me. My hands started to shook violently. How was I supposed to drive away Satan? I ain’t God, how could that be done? I knew better than to argue back at that moment. I started chanting and praying in the language I am used to and also in tongues. The praying took effect on the Satan but not enough to drive him away; this made me feel even more afraid. He made images flew past my mind. Images of homeless people, people who were abused, selfish and good for nothing people who took advantages of the poor, people who idolized fake gods and statuses, people who stole people’s goods and etc. All the images ran through before my eyes, one-by-one. I felt my prayer wasn’t enough; I lose all hope and faith in casting him away. Suddenly, an image went through my mind, but this time, it wasn’t from the Satan himself but from Jesus. I saw the stone I had taken the night before after the ‘Inner Healing’ session: 1 Cor 13. Love? I decided to give it a try, using love to cast him away. Any image the Satan had given me; I just embraced all of them in open arms and love.
Soon, I understood everything that was happening. When there was love, hope and faith would eventually fall into place. Satan didn’t have love, only the Lord had it. I saw the Satan’s body contorted in a very disturbing manner and was crying out in pain. Suddenly, he vanished. I stared at the place where the Satan was supposed to be, gaping. ‘See. You could do so many things in My name. You just need love, faith and hope would soon follow. You will preach with love, preach your faith in My name to the nations. Just have faith.’ Jesus gave me a hug and suddenly, I was teleported back to the reality world. The first thought that went through my mind after I woke up was ‘Did I actually cast away Satan?’
I didn’t believe that the Lord had asked me to preach his words. So now, he had asked me to cast away Satan in his name to make me believe it. And I did. A lot of things that happened to me in the visions happened before to past prophets and Disciples of Christ.
One of them was losing my voice. It happened exactly like John the Baptist’s father, Zechariah who was a priest. He and his wife, Elizabeth were old and couldn’t have any children. One day, an angel, Gabriel, told him that he would have a son. He didn’t believe the angel’s message; the angel commanded that he wouldn’t be able to speak till the birth of his son, John (Luke 1:5-25).
There were other things that happened in my vision too happened in the Bible before but I will not go through all of it. So, is it true that God wanted me to be his preacher and preach his Gospel to nations? I don’t know, but I will try when the time comes for me to do so. This is my testimony and I believe that it is true; Christ IS the Living Son of God. His flame is in me now and I will continue to fan THAT flame. It is for you to believe. Be fearful of the Lord. ‘Flame on…’ quote Alvin (Inside joke). Alleluia and praise the Lord. In his name Amen.
*There may be many grammar errors, sorry if you do spotted any.*
(Before my fingers stop typing, I would just like to thank every single one of the speakers, 'Praise & Worship' Leaders and facilitators and also the teachers and helpers there, thank you for organizing this wonderful seminar. I can assure you that everything you had done in the Lord's name didn't go to waste. In His name, Amen. And Thank you.)
I was in a depressed mood the week before my first LSS (Life in Spirit Seminar) at APC, KL. I was going through something not quite expected and was hoping that the seminar would help me forget everything that happened. The talks and ‘Praise & Worship’ sessions were inspiring conducted by Eddy and Alvin and others too, of course. Every single bit of that inspired me and 70 others in the seminar. In every church camp or in this case, a seminar, there would always be an ‘Inner Healing’ session and maybe also a ‘Receiving of the Gifts’ session. I decided to leave everything to God, all my troubles and worries.
*Just a reminder, whatever the conversation I had written below in my testimony may not be the exact words but it IS the exact meaning. Alleluia, praise the Lord.*
The night of the ‘Inner Healing’ session, to be exact, the second night, a very eerie feeling was looming around us. All of knew that the Holy Spirit of the Lord was present before us, waiting for the perfect timing to cleanse us from sin and heal us in the name of the Lord. Alvin gave us a short talk about the brokenness of mere mortals and how God had healed them through so many ways to comfort them. Before starting the session, we sang praises to the Lord. Soon, Alvin and Eddy led us in forgiving; forgiving our mother, our father, our brothers and sisters, and also friends who had hurt us badly before. At this point, people around me wept as they forgave the people around them whom had hurt them. People around me wept and cried out as the Holy Spirit worked its way through everybody’s hearts. This was the first time in three camps which held in a 3 years span that I didn’t really cry. I knew in the past two camps, I had forgiven everything I needed to forgive. So, I decided to pray for others around me who I sensed that they were in so much pain, spiritually. We were asked to stand and pray for the slaying of the Holy Spirit was about to take place. Many youths amongst us then, including me, were praying in tongues after we had been given the gift by Lord Himself. Soon, I heard many around me fell as the Holy Spirit touched them. Both my feet felt weak out of the sudden and wanted to fell too but I knew if I did I might hit someone. So I decided to push against the current the Lord wanted to me to do. Sudden, I felt I was teleported into another dimension, a whole new world even though I could still hear voices and sounds of praises sung by my fellow friends in the reality world. I knew that Jesus had transported me somewhere where he could talk to me.
I was in a room painted white. It was dimly lidded. Soon, I saw a figure coming out. My instinct told me it was Jesus. But the next though that came to me, ‘This couldn’t be Jesus. I saw him before. This is not him.’ And I was right. A girl of 18 or maybe even 19 came out, wearing what I knew was a shepherd girl would wear; an off-white, one piece dress of some sort and a rope as a belt. Instead of holding a staff in her hand, it was a sword. At the sight of the sword, I immediately knew who she was. It was my patron saint, St. Joan of Arc, the 19 year old girl full of courage and determined to bring back justice to her country, France. Don’t ask me how or why I knew it was her. Her sudden presence frightened me. She smiled at me. I could see a small glow laminating her. Suddenly, another figure came. This figure really frightened the hell out of me. It was the Blessed Virgin Mary. I felt my whole body shake and tremble. From her eyes, I could see so much compassion that frightened me even more. Suddenly, a dove flew towards me and land along side Mary and St. Joan. A transfiguration took place. From the elegant dove, it changed into the Lord himself. I heard another voice from the reality world. I think it was the leader who was praying for me at the moment. ‘If you feel you want to fall back as the Spirit had touched you, just fall.’ And with that, I felt my whole body fell in the reality and spiritual world. I was subconscious then. I felt a tear rolled down from my right eye just as I fell. I saw Jesus bend over and put his hand out, the hand which has the mark where the nail had driven into on the day he died for all of us, out in front of me. ‘Stand up, my child.’ Automatically, I stood up with the help of the Lord. I was trembling and was talking to him in tongues, the only language I used to converse with the Lord and the saints. I don’t really remember the exact words I used to converse with him but I knew what I did said, ‘Lord, am I in trouble? Why are Mother Mary and Saint Joan here with you?’ Instead of the Lord, St. Joan answered, ‘You are called to preach the Lord’s words to nations, to people around you, young and old.’ I was shaking even more when I heard that. How could that be true? This could not be happening. Jesus read my mind, ‘My child, when my father said you will preach His words, you will preach His words in His name.’ I shook my head as I doubt. I kept saying ‘No’ for I knew I couldn’t. To cut the crap short, I had a minor argument with St. Joan, Mother Mary and the Lord himself.
Jesus was angry at my doubts of the message given by him. I was shaking tremendously at the sight of his anger. St. Joan walked towards me and had both of her hands on my shoulder, ‘You can do it… We all have faith in you…’ At the moment she said ‘We’, I saw that many people had crowded the white room. I believed that it was all the saints for I saw Mother Theresa in the crowd. ‘All of us here have faith in you to do this…’ said St. Joan, indicating everyone in the crowd. Mother Mary smiled knowingly, agreeing. I shook my head, ‘No. I can’t. I really can’t do what you had just said.’ I told the Lord. ‘Since you denied in believing the message God had given, you will not be able to speak until you believe.’ He said. The next thing I knew, I ‘woke’ up from whatever this called. My mind tried to get used to the surrounding around me which I found hard to do so. I tried to talk and sure enough, I couldn’t find my voice. Alvin had asked the youths who were ready could go before the ‘makeshift’ altar and pray. Before leaving the altar, take the stone with a bible verse or chapter written on it in the basket. I stood up and went to pray. I asked God was He sure in choosing me to preach. I wanted my voice to be back soon. After I stood up from praying, I took a stone. 1 Cor 13 was written on it. Frantically, I went to look for a Bible to read whatever was in 1 Corinthian 13. It was a chapter about love:
‘I may be able to speak the languages of human beings and even of angels, but if I have no love, my speech is no more than a noisy gong or a clanging bell. I may have the gift of inspired preaching; I may have all knowledge and understand all secrets; I may have all the faith needed to move mountains- but if I have no love, this does me no good.
Love is patient and kind; it is not jealous or conceited or proud; love is not ill-mannered or selfish or irritable; love does not keep a record of wrongs; love is not happy with evil, but is happy with the truth. Love never gives up and its faith, hope, and patience never fail.
Love is eternal. There are inspired messages, but they are temporary; there are gifts of speaking in strange tongues, but they will cease; there is knowledge, but it will pass. For our gifts of knowledge and of inspired messages are only partial; but when what is perfect comes, then what is partial will disappear.
When I was a child, my speech, feelings, and thinking were all those of a child; now that I am an adult, I have no more use for childish ways. What we see now is like a dim image in a mirror; the new shall see face-to-face. What I know now is partial; then it will be complete- as complete as God’s knowledge of me.
Meanwhile these three remain: faith, hope, and love; and the greatest of these is love.’
The minute I finished that whole chapter, I felt something warm in me. I felt someone using my mind and was promising the Lord that yes, I will preach His words when the time was right and I was ready. In an instant, I could talk again.
That was my vision during the ‘Inner Healing’ session. But my vision didn’t end there. It continued again during the ‘Receiving of Gifts’ session. There are 9 gifts that the Lord might present it to people. I could speak and pray in tongues and also understand whatever I was saying to the Lord. Freaky, right? I found out through Eddy that 99% of Christians couldn’t do that. I guess I am the 1% then. When we were going through the ‘Receiving of Gifts’ session, I heard people were already falling and speaking in tongues already. Since I already have a gift, the gift of speaking in tongues to be specific, I decided to pray for the others who didn’t have a gift and was desperate to have one for God knows what reasons. I knew I wasn’t going to fall but one of the leaders there was praying for me in tongues. The Holy Spirit was beginning to do its work around me, again. Why are You doing its way around me? Don’t waste your time on me who already have a gift from You .I kept trying to NOT to fall off. The leader in front of me was praying even more. Soon, the Holy Spirit just wham into me. Before I fell, I heard this from the leader who was praying for me, ‘Give her the fire to do your ways.’ I fell as I felt a sharp pain ran through my ankle. Someone caught me from behind and laid me down. As I was laid down, my mind was transported to another room, the exact same one I had been during the ‘Inner Healing’ session. But the person before me wasn’t anyone I had seen before in any of my visions. The man was in a black robe and in sandals. He had very black hair that covered half his face; he had a malevolent smile plastered on his face.
A shudder ran through my spine as I looked into his eyes, eyes that didn’t had any life in it. Even though that man was a few feet away from me, he had this bad aura around him that covered the whole room. My heart started beating faster. I felt someone put his hand on my shoulder. When that hand touched my shoulder, a blissful feeling went through my whole body. Without even looking, I knew who he was. ‘Child, cast Lucifer away in My name.’ Jesus told me. My hands started to shook violently. How was I supposed to drive away Satan? I ain’t God, how could that be done? I knew better than to argue back at that moment. I started chanting and praying in the language I am used to and also in tongues. The praying took effect on the Satan but not enough to drive him away; this made me feel even more afraid. He made images flew past my mind. Images of homeless people, people who were abused, selfish and good for nothing people who took advantages of the poor, people who idolized fake gods and statuses, people who stole people’s goods and etc. All the images ran through before my eyes, one-by-one. I felt my prayer wasn’t enough; I lose all hope and faith in casting him away. Suddenly, an image went through my mind, but this time, it wasn’t from the Satan himself but from Jesus. I saw the stone I had taken the night before after the ‘Inner Healing’ session: 1 Cor 13. Love? I decided to give it a try, using love to cast him away. Any image the Satan had given me; I just embraced all of them in open arms and love.
Soon, I understood everything that was happening. When there was love, hope and faith would eventually fall into place. Satan didn’t have love, only the Lord had it. I saw the Satan’s body contorted in a very disturbing manner and was crying out in pain. Suddenly, he vanished. I stared at the place where the Satan was supposed to be, gaping. ‘See. You could do so many things in My name. You just need love, faith and hope would soon follow. You will preach with love, preach your faith in My name to the nations. Just have faith.’ Jesus gave me a hug and suddenly, I was teleported back to the reality world. The first thought that went through my mind after I woke up was ‘Did I actually cast away Satan?’
I didn’t believe that the Lord had asked me to preach his words. So now, he had asked me to cast away Satan in his name to make me believe it. And I did. A lot of things that happened to me in the visions happened before to past prophets and Disciples of Christ.
One of them was losing my voice. It happened exactly like John the Baptist’s father, Zechariah who was a priest. He and his wife, Elizabeth were old and couldn’t have any children. One day, an angel, Gabriel, told him that he would have a son. He didn’t believe the angel’s message; the angel commanded that he wouldn’t be able to speak till the birth of his son, John (Luke 1:5-25).
There were other things that happened in my vision too happened in the Bible before but I will not go through all of it. So, is it true that God wanted me to be his preacher and preach his Gospel to nations? I don’t know, but I will try when the time comes for me to do so. This is my testimony and I believe that it is true; Christ IS the Living Son of God. His flame is in me now and I will continue to fan THAT flame. It is for you to believe. Be fearful of the Lord. ‘Flame on…’ quote Alvin (Inside joke). Alleluia and praise the Lord. In his name Amen.
*There may be many grammar errors, sorry if you do spotted any.*
(Before my fingers stop typing, I would just like to thank every single one of the speakers, 'Praise & Worship' Leaders and facilitators and also the teachers and helpers there
Thursday, March 10, 2011
My favourite
Love and relationships are never like the movies no matter how much we want them to be. But when something beautiful ends, for whatever reason, it's most important not to be disappointed that it's over, but glad that it happened at all.
Sunday, March 6, 2011
Jenny
Jenny
Heart-wrenching. Fat tears rolling down as patches of memories flew past my mind. More tears came as each one gave me a throbbing ache within me. Why? Why was life so unfair? I couldn’t stand it much longer as exhaustion slowly crawling up in me. Before my body gave its way, I sunk into the arm chair. I massaged my hurting temple as I tried to see sense, why did God have to let me go through the torment. Why did she have to leave? And why so soon? I saw a photo album, beat-up and old sitting on the coffee table, at the corner of my eye. I had never seen it before. Soon, Curiosity crept in and left Sadness waiting in a distant corner of my mind. I picked it up, and flipped it opened.
Gasp! The photo on the first page met my wet eyes with a shock. A little girl in pigtails met my eyes, beside her, it was me. Me? I couldn’t believe it! In that photo, I was only 7, just started school. And on the first day, I had met Jenny. She was a pretty girl and happy one too. As I remembered that memory, my eyes wield up. Tears rolled down as I closed my eyes. I knew her since we were so young. I was her best friend and the one who knew her so well. Soon, my mind wandered to another memory.
I remembered the day when I told Jenny that I had loved her. I was walking her back to her home after a party that ended very late at night. I had a crush on her that year when we were in our first year of college. As I was walking her back home, our hands brushed against each other as we walked. I saw her smiling to herself and recoiled her hand. “Sorry…” I said, as I felt my face flushed. Her cheeks were also pink. When we reached her home, I didn’t want her to go yet. “Bye…and thank you for walking me back home…” she said. I got hold of her wrist before she could take any step further. “Jenny, wait…” She turned and her dark brown eyes looked into mine. I felt my heart beating faster as time past. I didn’t know what to say, but I just want her to know that I loved her. Soon, she leaned towards me. So close that I could feel her warm breath. Before anything happened, I leaned forward even more, and kissed her. After we were done, I whispered ever so lightly into her ear, “I love you…”
I couldn’t help it, I cried again when that memory faded. It happened nearly 20 years ago, but it still felt fresh in my mind. As that memory faded, another one came up. It was the day of our wedding.
My palms were sweaty as the minutes ticked past. I glanced at the clock; it was already going to be 10. My heart pounded as I stood in front of the altar. I kept pinching myself to know whether was I dreaming, or whether all of this was real. Soon, the wedding march was played. Everybody was standing, and I couldn’t see Jenny at all. Soon, my eyes only could see her, Jenny. She was in the most elegant wedding dress I had ever seen. The colour made her eyes stood out even more. Such beautiful eyes. The only thing I could see was her and only her. My mind could only thought about her and nothing else. She was mine, and I was hers. As she came nearer to me, I reached out, and there she was, in my arms. I didn’t hear anything the reverend was saying. I didn’t even have to say anything until the ‘I do’ part. When that passed, the only thing I heard was, “You may kiss the bride…” I literally crashed my face into hers, which made both of us laughed. Because of that, we were nicknamed the laughing couple. That was the best day of my life.
I smiled a little at that memory until I smelled the bitter taste of medicine. Suddenly, I remembered where the memory was taking me. It was the year when I had to spent time in the hospital with Jenny. She was dying.
After 3 years of being happily married, Jenny became sick, very sick. She became coughing non stop throughout the nights. She had bruises on her and her hair kept falling. She kept saying she was fine and healthy, and I believed her until I saw her coughing out blood. She coughed out so much of it and became unconscious. I rushed her to the hospital. There, the doctors did many test, and found out she was having leukemia, the terminal stage. My heart just dropped instantly when I heard the news. Fearing for the worst, I asked, “How long will she still be alive?” I saw the doctor’s sad look in his eyes and he shook his head, “Another 6 months to a year. Be prepared, brother.” Day in, day out, I spent all my time with Jenny at the hospital. The chemo didn’t change anything, she was still so sick, and her health was deteriorating. She put up a brave front whenever she saw me; I did, too, put up a brave front for her. But I would just break down in the bathroom whenever I was alone. She tried to be happy and cheerful. One day, something she said shocked me. “James? Will I see you again? After I die?” I was flabbergasted. I didn’t know what to say or do. I felt tears coming up. She started crying too. I hugged her, trying to calm her down. “Yes, I will see you again. Even after you…leave… We are meant to be together. Until the end of time…” A week after that, she left, in my arms. I was hugging her, when she closed her eyes forever.
That pain ached within me every time. I cried when I kissed her, a few minutes after she died. I cried when I kissed her before she was buried during her funeral. I cried before I slept every night. I couldn’t eat. It was already a week since her burial. My mind clouded with confusion. The photo album in my hand slipped off, and fell with a thud on the floor. I bent down to pick it up when an envelope slipped out from the album. It was addressed to me.
“Dear beloved James,
I know I won’t be long on this world anymore. But I always want you to know that I love you, for a very long time. We will be always together, even if I’m not around anymore. We are meant to be together, till the end of time. Stay strong and take care. I love you.
Love,
Jennifer ‘Jenny’”
The letter was smudged by my tears and also some of hers. My hands shook violently. I love you too, Jenny… I whispered into the empty room.
Written on 1st of March
Jehanne Copyrighted.
Heart-wrenching. Fat tears rolling down as patches of memories flew past my mind. More tears came as each one gave me a throbbing ache within me. Why? Why was life so unfair? I couldn’t stand it much longer as exhaustion slowly crawling up in me. Before my body gave its way, I sunk into the arm chair. I massaged my hurting temple as I tried to see sense, why did God have to let me go through the torment. Why did she have to leave? And why so soon? I saw a photo album, beat-up and old sitting on the coffee table, at the corner of my eye. I had never seen it before. Soon, Curiosity crept in and left Sadness waiting in a distant corner of my mind. I picked it up, and flipped it opened.
Gasp! The photo on the first page met my wet eyes with a shock. A little girl in pigtails met my eyes, beside her, it was me. Me? I couldn’t believe it! In that photo, I was only 7, just started school. And on the first day, I had met Jenny. She was a pretty girl and happy one too. As I remembered that memory, my eyes wield up. Tears rolled down as I closed my eyes. I knew her since we were so young. I was her best friend and the one who knew her so well. Soon, my mind wandered to another memory.
I remembered the day when I told Jenny that I had loved her. I was walking her back to her home after a party that ended very late at night. I had a crush on her that year when we were in our first year of college. As I was walking her back home, our hands brushed against each other as we walked. I saw her smiling to herself and recoiled her hand. “Sorry…” I said, as I felt my face flushed. Her cheeks were also pink. When we reached her home, I didn’t want her to go yet. “Bye…and thank you for walking me back home…” she said. I got hold of her wrist before she could take any step further. “Jenny, wait…” She turned and her dark brown eyes looked into mine. I felt my heart beating faster as time past. I didn’t know what to say, but I just want her to know that I loved her. Soon, she leaned towards me. So close that I could feel her warm breath. Before anything happened, I leaned forward even more, and kissed her. After we were done, I whispered ever so lightly into her ear, “I love you…”
I couldn’t help it, I cried again when that memory faded. It happened nearly 20 years ago, but it still felt fresh in my mind. As that memory faded, another one came up. It was the day of our wedding.
My palms were sweaty as the minutes ticked past. I glanced at the clock; it was already going to be 10. My heart pounded as I stood in front of the altar. I kept pinching myself to know whether was I dreaming, or whether all of this was real. Soon, the wedding march was played. Everybody was standing, and I couldn’t see Jenny at all. Soon, my eyes only could see her, Jenny. She was in the most elegant wedding dress I had ever seen. The colour made her eyes stood out even more. Such beautiful eyes. The only thing I could see was her and only her. My mind could only thought about her and nothing else. She was mine, and I was hers. As she came nearer to me, I reached out, and there she was, in my arms. I didn’t hear anything the reverend was saying. I didn’t even have to say anything until the ‘I do’ part. When that passed, the only thing I heard was, “You may kiss the bride…” I literally crashed my face into hers, which made both of us laughed. Because of that, we were nicknamed the laughing couple. That was the best day of my life.
I smiled a little at that memory until I smelled the bitter taste of medicine. Suddenly, I remembered where the memory was taking me. It was the year when I had to spent time in the hospital with Jenny. She was dying.
After 3 years of being happily married, Jenny became sick, very sick. She became coughing non stop throughout the nights. She had bruises on her and her hair kept falling. She kept saying she was fine and healthy, and I believed her until I saw her coughing out blood. She coughed out so much of it and became unconscious. I rushed her to the hospital. There, the doctors did many test, and found out she was having leukemia, the terminal stage. My heart just dropped instantly when I heard the news. Fearing for the worst, I asked, “How long will she still be alive?” I saw the doctor’s sad look in his eyes and he shook his head, “Another 6 months to a year. Be prepared, brother.” Day in, day out, I spent all my time with Jenny at the hospital. The chemo didn’t change anything, she was still so sick, and her health was deteriorating. She put up a brave front whenever she saw me; I did, too, put up a brave front for her. But I would just break down in the bathroom whenever I was alone. She tried to be happy and cheerful. One day, something she said shocked me. “James? Will I see you again? After I die?” I was flabbergasted. I didn’t know what to say or do. I felt tears coming up. She started crying too. I hugged her, trying to calm her down. “Yes, I will see you again. Even after you…leave… We are meant to be together. Until the end of time…” A week after that, she left, in my arms. I was hugging her, when she closed her eyes forever.
That pain ached within me every time. I cried when I kissed her, a few minutes after she died. I cried when I kissed her before she was buried during her funeral. I cried before I slept every night. I couldn’t eat. It was already a week since her burial. My mind clouded with confusion. The photo album in my hand slipped off, and fell with a thud on the floor. I bent down to pick it up when an envelope slipped out from the album. It was addressed to me.
“Dear beloved James,
I know I won’t be long on this world anymore. But I always want you to know that I love you, for a very long time. We will be always together, even if I’m not around anymore. We are meant to be together, till the end of time. Stay strong and take care. I love you.
Love,
Jennifer ‘Jenny’”
The letter was smudged by my tears and also some of hers. My hands shook violently. I love you too, Jenny… I whispered into the empty room.
Written on 1st of March
Jehanne Copyrighted.
Stai zitto, eh?
Che cosa la scopata è sbagliato con te?! Tu sei la mia vita miserabile, se tu sapessi tutto quello che ha detto che mi influenzano questo male, perché non si può solo stare zitto?! Ora so che questo non durerà, e sarà mai ...
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