Different perspective of ourselves

We live three different lives. Public, Personal and Secret. We want others to know us in a certain way, a way we try to portray, an image we see ourself in. Our personal life is for the people who loves us dearly, loved ones. Secret is like what the word itself says, a secret.

Sometimes we are not conscious by this, but in reality, everyone, regardless of race or religion.

A chapter torn

I have written a lot of my life, as a diary, as a book with chapters, whatever you called it. But I have, whether mentally or literally had written it down. When one chapter closes, I tear them from the book, staple them and put them in a cupboard and never read it again. Just yesterday, I closed another one. The past 5 years have many different chapters. Finishing the first half of high school, broken off from the first love, found a second, broke off that too, graduated from high school, reconcile back with the first, enter college and university, the first left for good. So many, some are happy, some aren't so. But why I tear them from the main? Is for me to know that it has end, time to move on. Hope this works.

Leaving on the jet plane

"I wish I would know of a way of not hurting you again, but I am happy at the same time that you are here, sending me off, knowing we are not going to see each other again in the future. I miss how we were when we were young then, but I know I will miss the past 6 months even more. Goodbye bunny head...miss you." He took his hand carry luggage and with his passport in hand, he went to the boarding hall, turned, and waved. That was the time I see his smile and his tears, both at the same time, and the last time.

Acting roles

At a young age, I love acting. It makes me express myself into someone I wanted to be. Who is suitable for the role. To just not be me. But I grew up not comfortable with myself at all. I lost the ability to act when I enter high school. But, it turns out, my life after that was just an act. I acted as if I am alright when I am not. I acted I am tough and strong and nothing pushes me off guard. I was concerned for others more than myself. Because I need a diversion from breaking down. From losing myself. Until the late hours of the night, until the wee hours of morning, until I couldn't hold back the tears any much longer.

I acted as someone I wanted to be. But never could.

Truths and Lies

I have made a fool to myself.
At least I know the truth that hurts,
And not lies that comfort me.