Reading my last post, I remember the pain and disappointment I felt at that time. How embarrassed I was actually at that time. But looking now, close to four months after that, I've seen so much more hardships that literally pull me to the bottom. Never thought I could be in a place that was so low, all in the span of a month. I've seen people who I thought were to be humble at themselves, become so arrogant and egoistic. I've seen people who I thought I can trust, became someone I have to be aware of around. And so much so, I have to be careful at what I say, write or speak about now, regardless on social media or in real life. It's actually affecting me psychologically but I am not ready to give up yet. I am too far in to give up now.
As for singing, I actually lost my voice during that crazy one month of constant rollercoaster rides. From so many different stress and exhaustion, sleepless nights, stressful academics, too many repertoire to learn and finish in the semester, and also personal struggles. I lost my voice because I couldn't let myself rest, I couldn't let myself be happy, and I was always comparing with myself each week constantly. I know comparing isn't good. In the last post, I swore to not compare myself with others anymore. Then, I shifted my whole mindset into knowing, get the right technique out. It was still a killer to me in the end.
But I am so happy to have met new friends who helped me throughout these four months. They changed my perspective of singing and I think its best to be in that way for now. I am still young, and very young in my singing journey. Four years, it isn't very long comparing to others. I should stick to stuff that suits me and help me to improve. Singing what I want or what I like, is going to kill me into an early death. Choosing the things I should constantly work on now, and also learn to enjoy the stage fully without a care in the world. Which in the end brings me to joining competitions just to enjoy the stage, whether or not I get any outcome, is useless. Its killing to think that I must gain something as a prize or as recognition. It just feeds the ego. I just want to learn to enjoy the music and enjoy the stage. Whatever mistake or whatever things that I need to change to improve, I will do it after the performance, that's it. No more comparing, no more trying to feed my ego, no more trying to improve at a quick pace.
-learn the healthy way of singing, regardless how long it takes. My voice is young, it can't take a lot of stress and drilling.
-learn to enjoy myself on stage and in the music. Submerge myself into it.
-learn to rest when I need it and not push on. It will burn me and tire me.
-know when my voice need rest too.
-refrain from being egoistic and act as if I know so many things. It won't help much in the learning process.
All and all, learn to just enjoy the moment and your own instrument. And let all negativity out of the door.
Let the new semester be a healthy and yet fruitfull one! =)
heyyyyyy mabellllll
ReplyDelete